The Rubik's Cube Cinematic Universe (That Nobody Wants) Is Coming

It's certainly not unusual for Hollywood to turn children's products into popular movies; there was Transformers, Clue, G.I. Joe, not to mention the glorified commercial for the Rosebud Winter Sporting Goods Corporation that was Citizen Kane. Still, it's more than a little bewildering that we are now getting a big-screen adventure starring ... a Rubik's Cube?

Yup, the Rubik's Cube, that colorful puzzle people in the '80s used to distract themselves from the crappiness of the '80s is now reportedly being turned into a feature film. And of course, because Marvel's success is the giant pork chop mirage in the desert island of contemporary pop-culture, the producers are aiming to develop a "wonderful and complex" cinematic universe. About friggin' Rubik's cubes. 

Sure, we could give these guys the benefit of the doubt; perhaps they're making a movie about the creation of Rubik's Cubes or a history of competitive cubing? After all, it's not as though they'd try to sell us some convoluted bullshit about an anthropomorphized cartoon Rubik's Cube; that would be completely insane. Oh, wait, that totally happened in the '80s ...

The 1983 animated series Rubik, the Amazing Cube was presumably the brainchild of a television executive who thought: "What if we make a cartoon version of E.T. but with the Rubik's Cube, end of idea, time to snort Mr. T's weight in cocaine."

In retrospect, it was one of the most galling attempts to market a toy to '80s kids -- I mean, at least He-Man was an actual person, not a block-shaped abomination. Plus, considering that the show was about a magical creature who had mastered flight and interdimensional travel, any child who did purchase a real-life Rubik's Cube was likely pretty goddamn disappointed. It remains to be seen whether this new movie will make a similar detour into madness.

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Top Image: Ruby-Spears Entertainment