How To Not Roast Alive This Summer

This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there.

If you live in a part of the world where seasons exist (tell us stories?), you're familiar with the highly specific form of amnesia that forces you to forget nine months of the year exactly how hot it gets in the summer. You get caught unprepared for the blast of Satan's farts descending upon your home, so you cover it in fans or run the air conditioning for 26 hours/day just to get a little relief. Unfortunately, that costs some serious money and hurts the environment's feelings. Fortunately, there's a more eco-friendly and cost-effective way to stay cool this summer: these personal air conditioners. Check them out!

evaLIGHT Plus: Personal Air Cooler

MSRP: $149

Sale Price: $128.99 (13% off)

The evaLight Plus Personal Air Cooler is made with patented EvaBreeze(R) material. What does that mean? No one knows, but it increases the efficiency with which this device uses natural evaporative cooling and also its mystery. Just add water, plug it into a power supply, computer, or power bank, and it can cool, humidify, and purify an area of up to 45 square feet. It's an Amazon's Choice personal air cooler, and say what you will about those guys, but they know their products.

Beat The Heat Double Cool Cordless Mini Collar Fan

MSRP: $39

Sale Price: $29.99 (24% off)

With 360-degree rotation, three speeds, and a 10-hour battery life, this mini fan lets you feel the breeze anywhere. Pair it with some sparkly bike shorts and a skateboard, and you'll look like the movie Hackers. Not anyone in the movie; the movie itself.

Bladeless Personal Fan

MSRP: $59

Sale Price: $19.99 (66% off)

Straight out of The Jetsons, this portable, bladeless fan sets up easily and blasts a stream of cool air at you without those dangerous rotors. Pro-tip: When people ask you how on Earth it works and whether or not witchcraft is involved, simply smile enigmatically. You won't have to admit you don't know, and they will have a newfound fear of and respect for you.

Kinkoo Mini Portable Air Conditioner

MSRP: $79

Sale Price: $59.99 (25% off)

Perfect for hot, dry climates, this portable A/C cools, humidifies, and cleans the dust particles from the air, making it easier to relax and breathe. It works for up to 8 hours on a single charge, because that feeling when your portable air conditioners craps out is a uniquely long, swampy night of the soul.

Star Tripod 16" Stand Fan

MSRP: $449

Sale Price: $359.95 (19% off)

The creme de la fan creme, this monster works efficiently and quietly to promote maximum airflow throughout your home, helping to cool your space without being forced to shout your request for corn chips to your roommate three feet away from you.

Air Shower Fan F210

Sale Price: $129.99

Don't let the name confuse you: This is not a fan you use in the shower, which seems like a bad and also pointless idea. They call this baby a shower fan because it feels like you're being showered in cool air! The special design creates a versatile fan that can circulate air considerably better than standard desk fans. Point it at the ceiling to get that air shower feeling and reduce the heat, direct air between floors, pull fresh air indoors, and more. It's like being wrapped in the cold embrace of death, which you'll be longing for once the forecast cracks the triple digits.

ionFan: USB-Rechargeable, Portable Ionizer Fan

Sale Price: $34.95

Have you ever thought about your ions? Well, long story short, you need more of them. Fortunately, this futuristic air ionizer fan is capable of emitting up to three million negative ions per second. Don't worry, those are actually the good kind, providing cleaner, safer, better-smelling, and cooler air. Who knew cold-makers were all so scientific these days?