Every time you see a movie critic backhandedly suggests a movie "feels like a video game" you are staring into the hypnotic eyes of laziness. It's a shorthand used to communicate to other old people that this movie is not for you. That said, it's the only way to accurately describe the Fast & Furious franchise. It's a film series that makes me wish I could skip the cut scenes and get to the action. Hopefully, the new video game Fast & Furious Crossroads will let us do just that.
Imagine that this game turns out to be really good. If the game can put the preposterous thrilling cartoon action sequences of the franchise in my hands, inarguably the best part of the movies, then what's the point of the movies? How could anyone play this game (again, assuming it's good), then just sit down to passively watch one of the films? Why watch Dom and the gang drag a vault through the streets when you can do the exact same thing in a game?
We're not going to be missing out on any dramatic elements. I won't be dumb enough to claim the game's narrative and character development will be better, but it can't be worse. Sitting down to watch an FF movie is functionally identical to watching a Let's Play walkthrough of a game. One character talking to another in a warehouse HQ or a backyard barbeque (the only two settings in the series other than cars) serves only to explain why they're chasing nuclear subs across an ice sheet while driving Lamborghinis. In a video game universe, Paul Walker can live forever without it feeling ghoulish, and Vin Diesel can demand that his muscles are always bigger than Dwayne Johnson's. Just give us a custom controller with a NOS button, and we're all set.
Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Catch him on the "In Broad Daylight" podcast with Cracked alums Adam Tod Brown and Ian Fortey! Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com and his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. Listen to the first episode on Youtube!
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