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PICTOFACT

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30 Movies That Led To Bad Real Life Tie-In Products

By:: Brian C. Miller; Cracked Writers

July 23, 2022

30 Movies That Led To Bad Real Life Tie-In Products

Who doesn't love movies? You get to sit in a dark theater (or in your living room, if you want to make Tom Cruise's blood pressure rise to an unhealthy level), and disappear into a world of fantasy for around 90 minutes to two hours. But why do those fantastical moments have to stay on a silver screen? Wouldn't it be nice if you could have a piece of that movie with you in this real, mortal plane? Like a fun t-shirt to show your fandom, or a collectable figure to display on your desk!

Sure, those things are out there-- But this list doesn't have them. Here we've collected all of the bad ideas for tie-in products that have crawled their way out of marketing hell. Unplayable video games, colognes nobody asked for, and Shrek-related snack products that might actually make you wretch. We really wish a few of these just stayed in the movies.

30 Top Gun for NES

Top Gun 1987 10048ALT. RADAR: : MISSILE ft 2 0 REMAIN 00597SPEED TYPE T-гг fol/th CRACKED.COM The high octane action of the Tom Cruise film is translated as well as possible on the limited hardware, which is to say you fire blobs at other blobs, against a solid blue backdrop. It doesn't even have greased up pilots playing volleyball. — **Source:** **17 Of The Worst Games Based On Movies**

29 The Lion King for PSOne

Disney's The Lion King: Simba's Mighty Adventure 2000 CRACKED.COM This is a game where you play as a lion that gets hurt by ladybugs and small lizards. Instead of trying to tell an interesting story, or even following the familiar one of the movie, this Lion King game is more interested in making you collect thousands of paw-print tokens scattered over ugly, blocky levels. — **Source:** **17 Of The Worst Games Based On Movies**

28 Wizard of Oz for SNES

The Wizard of Oz 1993 CRACKED COM Taking a rather liberal interpretation of the source material, Dorothy straps on her ruby slippers and puts the beat-down on cactus cats, unicycle corn, and sentient furniture. It could have been an unusually rad tie-in game, but the controls and murky visual data made for a frustrating experience. — **Source:** **17 Of The Worst Games Based On Movies**

27 Thor for PS3/XBox 360

Thor: God of Thunder 2011 CRACKED.COM The MCU tie-in game, and a first for the hirsute god, seeks to tell an original tale with familiar faces, but repetitive gameplay, bad graphics, and endless glitches put players into the Odinsleep. This was the worst thing to happen to Thor until Thor: The Dark World, two years later. — **Source:** **17 Of The Worst Games Based On Movies**

26 Blues Brothers 2000 for N64

Blues Brothers 2000 2000 HIt CRACKED COM It's every 90's kids favorite comedy/music duo: The Blues Brothers! This (thankfully) short 3D open world game throws everything at the wall to see what sticks, like first-person apple throwing, rhythm-game button mashing, and action platforming. Spoiler alert, it all sucks. — **Source:** **17 Of The Worst Games Based On Movies**

25 Facehugger Stuffed Toy

L I E The A franchise is exploring new avenues for N merchandising with this friendly plush toy FACEHUGGER. You know... for kids! — **Source:** **24 Movies And Shows That Said "Yeah, Sure" To Ill-Conceived Merch**

24 Rocky Action Figure

ROCKY was a winner... but some of the franchise merchandise took a hit. ROCKY For those who want to play with Rocky's meat. *Bloody Butcher's Angela KIAS 1976 MEA Apron included! THE MEAT ToyWiz.com ToyWiz.com ROCKY ToyWiz.com ToyWiz.com GRACKED.COM — **Source:** **24 Movies And Shows That Said "Yeah, Sure" To Ill-Conceived Merch**

23 Captain America Slow Cooker

CAPTAIN AMERICA Heroically taking on evil using nothing but his will and his trusted.. .. slow cooker? GRACKED.COM — **Source:** **24 Movies And Shows That Said "Yeah, Sure" To Ill-Conceived Merch**

22 Space Jam for PSOne

Space Jam 1996 13 CRACKED.COM Not quite as endearingly primitive as the mid 90's website, the Space Jam game is a grab-bag of random minigames loosely tied to the events of the movie. If the prospect of collecting sneakers while avoiding getting mauled by a dog doesn't inspire excitement, then the eye-straining graphics and awkward controls definitely won't. — **Source:** **17 Of The Worst Games Based On Movies**

21 Star Wars for NES

Star Wars 1987 GRACKED.COM This Japan-only release takes visual cues from the Star Wars universe, but little else. As Luke Skywalker, in his karate pajamas, you travel the starways fighting the animal-transforming Darth Vader, and get instantly killed with every hit. — **Source:** **17 Of The Worst Games Based On Movies**

20 The Hunt for Red October for NES

The Hunt For Red October 1991 2 02 7 SCRACKED COM No one can say for sure if it was in the 30-year-old game's best interest to not even attempt to digitize Sean Connery onto the SNES, but the submarine side-scrolling shoot em' up doesn't make up for this shortcoming by doing anything interesting or fun. — **Source:** **17 Of The Worst Games Based On Movies**

19 E.T. for Atari

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial 1982 8138 CRACKED.COM As one of the first movie tie-in games ever, it had nothing to be compared against, and yet it still sucked. The insanely rushed 5-week development time resulted in shockingly ugly visuals, even for the time period, and confusing gameplay that has nothing in common with the movie. — **Source:** **17 Of The Worst Games Based On Movies**

18 Passion of the Christ Necklace

The Passion of the Christ crucifixion nail necklace. THE PASSION Apparently a crucifix wasn't enough for Mel Gibson, so he gave fans of his film a constant reminder of what horrible sinners they are with the object that fastened Jesus to the cross. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **24 Movies And Shows That Said "Yeah, Sure" To Ill-Conceived Merch**

17 George Lucas Action Figure

GEORGE LUCAS BASICALLY SELLS AN ACTION FIGURE OF HIMSELF. Do you remember that one time George Lucas appeared as commander Jorg Sacul, a rebel pilot fighting against The Empire? No? well, probably because he never did; but there's an action figure nevertheless. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **24 Movies And Shows That Said "Yeah, Sure" To Ill-Conceived Merch**

16 ...A Beaker Hot Wheel

0323M HOtWHEELS Disney 3+ THE UPPETS WHAT the PHALLUS! EXPERIMENTAL for more ANIMAL BEAKER AKER CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **24 Movies And Shows That Said "Yeah, Sure" To Ill-Conceived Merch**

15 Watchmen Condoms

If you're going to have sex, do it with official Watchmen condoms. WE'RE SOCIETY'S ONLY PROTECTION. WATCHMEN 03.06.09 Well, maybe don't. Not just because they're nine years old, but also because why would you ever want to think about Watchmen during sex? CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **24 Movies And Shows That Said "Yeah, Sure" To Ill-Conceived Merch**

14 Batman Forever for SNES

Batman Forever 1995 CRACKED COM Awkward video-capture sprites of Batman and Robin sway and jump through ugly levels and constantly get their rubber-suited butts whipped by a bunch of crowbar wielding nobodies dressed like garbagemen. — **Source:** **17 Of The Worst Games Based On Movies**

13 Home Alone for SNES

Home Alone 1991 CRACKED COM Kevin McCallister's home, a seemingly endless hallway corridor and Fort Knox style bank vault, is under attack from The Wet/Sticky Bandits, as well prohibition-era gangsters in bowler hats. You don't set any elaborate traps in this take, choosing to instead jump around collecting valuables before the bad guys. — **Source:** **17 Of The Worst Games Based On Movies**

12 Fight Club for PS2

Fight Club 2004 Angel Face CRACKED.COM If you remember the movie Fight Club for the message it's really cool to take off your shirt and punch people, then this game was made for you. Although stripped of the complexity that made the movie compelling, you can unlock Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst and break Jared Leto's spine. — **Source:** **17 Of The Worst Games Based On Movies**

11 Back to the Future for the NES

Back to the Future 1989 H in TIME GRACKED.COM It's Marty McFly the way we all know him: as a muscle-shirt Greaser who walks down the street collecting alarm clocks and avoiding bees. The story is as non-existent as your character's health, so it's safe to say this is just a generic NES scroller with the barest Back To The Future sheen. — **Source:** **17 Of The Worst Games Based On Movies**

10 A Star Wars Tape Dispenser

This С-ЗРО tape dispenser from Sigma is awesome, right? Just look at his face. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **24 Movies And Shows That Said "Yeah, Sure" To Ill-Conceived Merch**

9 Super Mario Bros Coloring Book

CRACKED.COM U P E R S MARIO BROS. released a coloring book with some questionable artwork. You'll certainly enjoy coloring this artwork depicting Yoshi tonguing Princess Peach. в A BIG COLORING BOOK U P E S MARIO BROS. — **Source:** **24 Movies And Shows That Said "Yeah, Sure" To Ill-Conceived Merch**

8 Old Yeller Dog Food

CRACKED.COM PICTUREI WALT DISNEY'S MOST DRAMATIC MOTION Were your kids traumatized by this 1957 Disney classic? WALT DISNEY DOROTHY McGUIRE and FESS PARKER OLD YELLER Technicolor Then buy... IT'S Old Yeller dog food! WT and LB 100% Complete & Chung Style 07 kg) For All Dog Since DOB Food Chunk Style Dog Food 100% & Balanced Dog Sizes NET W TANA 5018 (22.58 kg - Disney OLD YELLER Disney NET WT LB OLD YELLER (22.68 kg) Chunk Reyde Doe Food Disney or adidas WT 2 - OLD adidas MADE YEI T FR - NET KT 50 LB (22.6 kg NET WT — **Source:** **24 Movies And Shows That Said "Yeah, Sure" To Ill-Conceived Merch**

7 A Star Trek Coffin

You can now spend eternity Spock-style with this new Star Trek coffin. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **24 Movies And Shows That Said "Yeah, Sure" To Ill-Conceived Merch**

6 Total Recall for NES

Total Recall 1990 SCORE HI 1560 1560 CRACKED COM The mind bending, extraplanetary action classic is reduced to a generic platformer with the instantly recognizable Arnold Schwarzenegger replaced with a Some Dude in a green onesie. The barrel-chested hero runs like he isn't going to make it to the toilet. — **Source:** **17 Of The Worst Games Based On Movies**

5 Raiders of the Lost Ark for Atari

Raiders Of The Lost Ark 1982 CRACKED.COM A pixelated fire hydrant does the best Indiana Jones impression it can muster as it struts around a blank background, occasionally scrolling into a new zone and immediately plunging to its death. There were limits to what the technology could do at the time, but even Dig Dug looks like a James Cameron movie compared to this. — **Source:** **17 Of The Worst Games Based On Movies**

4 A Matrix Reloaded Phone

2 In 2003, Samsung released Matrix SPH-N270 in conjunction with the release of The Matrix Reloaded. 78+I614 SAMSUNG TELE RACIO I It's a $500 phone that looks like the one Neo used in the film, with no camera or MP3 player. In other words, it's an expensive, futuristic- looking phone with technology 1 3 S9 from 1998. CRACKED.COM I 2 — **Source:** **24 Movies And Shows That Said "Yeah, Sure" To Ill-Conceived Merch**

3 Spider-Man Nail Polish

Mini No. Lichoers SPIDER-MAN Flacorade THE AMAZING Intr the Night Number One OPI CELEBRATES Newson THE MOTION PICTURE RELEASE! e E NAI NA LACQUE CO ONLY IN THEATERS Auto Spotted Your Week or Mine? the License O.P.I What better way can you show your Spider-Man fandom than the official 0000000 nail polish GOD DO of LOT 2012's beloved film The Amazing Spider-Man? CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **24 Movies And Shows That Said "Yeah, Sure" To Ill-Conceived Merch**

2 Shrek Twinkies

Source: 24 Movies And Shows That Said "Yeah, Sure" To Ill-Conceived Merch

1 Transformers Shaving Kit

Finally, a shaving kit toy for your Transformers-loving kids! GROCM n GO TRANS BATH SET FORMERS EVE AGES 3+ MOLDABLE FOAM SOAP NET WT. 35 OZAGO von CONTENTI adidas INCLUDES: MOLDABLE FOAM SOAP NET шт 3.5 oz (99.9), PLAY SHAVE RAZOR AND SHAVE BRUSH! WARNING: Now they can shave like the robots in the film. Wait, what? CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **24 Movies And Shows That Said "Yeah, Sure" To Ill-Conceived Merch**

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