25 Straight Up Screwy Headlines That Really Polished Our Flatware

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25 Straight Up Screwy Headlines That Really Polished Our Flatware

Who would've thought that Dr. Oz would stoop so low as to hire actors to play convicts in support of his Senate election opponent? Well, OK, maybe nearly everybody… anyway, exactly what happened. The good doctor's team reportedly hired a group of men to dress up as convicted felons and stand outside with signs reading “Inmates for Fetterman.” One actor even took to social media to share images from the event, saying he couldn't believe how many people actually thought he was a real ex-con. Meanwhile, in London, it was revealed that the Metropolitan police officer who wrote the force's drug strategy is a daily weed smoker. Commander Julian Bennett allegedly smoked cannabis in front of his lodger every day and later threatened to resign when asked if he'd take a drug test. Talk about being caught red-handed! And last but not least, Polish researchers made an eerie discovery while excavating a cemetery: the skeleton of a woman buried under a sickle with a triangular padlock on her foot. Yeah… turns out she may have been part of an elaborate attempt by locals back in the day to keep vampires from rising from their graves. Superstitious much? 

A voyeur filmed men showering but didn’t upload videos as they weren't 'professional' enough.

A voyeur filmed men showering but didn't post the videos because they weren't professional enough. CRACKED.COM Guan Lock Chang was sen- tenced to 18 weeks of jail time for capturing men showering at a swimming complex. Не wanted to post them online to make some money, but they didn't meet his standards.

Today Online

In search for tiger, Albuquerque police find alligator, guns, drugs.

Albuquerque police went looking for a tiger, but only found guns, drugs, and an alligator. GRACKED.COM The man's home didn't contain a wild cat as police had suspected, but 26-year-old Carlos Giddings is now facing a felony charge for dealing drugs.

KOB

Japan’s newly appointed digital minister is waging war on floppy disks.

Japan's new Digital Minister wants to get the government off floppy disks. CRACKED.COM According to Taro Kono, about 1,900 government procedures still require the business community to use floppy disks to submit applications and other forms.

Fortune

Uber Eats and Nuro sign a 10-year deal to do robot food delivery in California and Texas.

Robot cars may soon be delivering food to residents of California and Texas. UBER TAXI EATS CRACKED.COM Uber Eats signed a 10-year deal with autonomous driving startup Nuro to de- ploy autonomous delivery vehicles in two cities: Mountain View, California, and Houston, Texas.

The Verge

Judge throws out Trump's lawsuit against Hillary Clinton.

Trump's lawsuit against Hillary Clinton was basically just an airing of grievances, and thrown out. CRACKED.COM Judge Donald Middlebrooks says the former president is seeking to flaunt a two-hun- dred-page political manifes- to outlining his grievances against those that have ор- posed him.

Axios

San Francisco Parking Spot Goes on Sale for $90,000.

A parking spot in San Francisco is on the market for $90,000. GRACKED.COM The parking spot at a condo complex at 88 Townsend in San Francisco's South Beach neighborhood is listed for $90k. Parking space prices actually came down a bit during the pandemic.

NBC

Elon Musk $258 billion Dogecoin lawsuit expands.

The $258 billion lawsuit against Elon Musk for his Dogecoin pyramid scheme is expanding. CRACKED.COM According to an amended complaint, Musk, Tesla Inc and SpaceX, Boring and other companies intention- ally drove up the price of Dogecoin more than 36,000% over two years and then let it crash.

Reuters

California highway covered in tomatoes for the second time in a week

A Californian highway was covered in spilled tomatoes, again. CRACKED.COM The crash resulted in the vehicle's load of tomatoes being spilled across the roadway. This comes after a truck crash on Interstate 80 spilled about 50,000 pounds of tomatoes onto the freeway.

UPI

Woman Claims Her Daughter Was Stalked By A Vampire.

A woman on TikTok is claiming their family is being stalked by a vampire. CRACKED.COM After discovering bite marks on her daughter's neck one morning, she ex- perienced some symptoms that included sleeping all day and being unable to stay in the light. It's called being a teenager.

MSN

Canadian Army investigating after soldier parachutes over Petawawa while drinking beer.

The Canadian Army is investigating a video of a soldier drinking a beer while parachuting. CRACKED.COM The Canadian soldier slowly descended over a large body of water. Не opens and drinks from a can of beer, saying, The government... and shakes his head before the video ends.

National Post

Search for missing Native artifacts led to the discovery of bodies stored in ‘the most inhumane way possible.’

Boxes of human remains were found in the University of North Dakota. HOTS . CRACKED.COM A professor was searching for missing Native American artifacts once on display at the school's library when she found more than 70 samples of human remains, many of them in boxes with no identi- fying information.

NBC

Martha Stewart Admits She's Wished Friends Would Die So She Could Date Their Husbands.

An elderly businesswoman and ex-con confessed she wished her friends would die so she could date their husbands. CRACKED.COM 80-year-old Martha Stew- art dished with Chelsea Handler on her podcast, but insists she's never been a homewrecker even when the opportuni- ty presented itself.

Huffington Post

Man Behind US Navy’s Largest Corruption Case Hires a U-Haul, Cuts Ankle Tag, and Flees.

The man behind the Navy's largest corruption case fled in a rented U-Haul. CRACKED.COM Fat Leonard Glenn Francis cut his GPS monitoring ankle brace- let off and escaped his San Diego home, where he's been under house arrest since 2018.

Vice

Ukrainian hackers created fake profiles of attractive women to trick Russian soldiers.

Ukrainian hackers tricked Russian soldiers with fake dating profiles. GRACKED.COM The hackers are sending Russians off to the horny gulag by using pictures of attractive women to get the locations of Russian troops. Days later, the base was blown up.

Business Insider

Woman arrested after faking kidnapping 4 times to extort her mom.

A woman faked her kidnapping four times to extort her mom, and was finally arrested. CRACKED.COM She sent her mother a vid- eo that showed her blind- folded and smeared with blood, with a man behind her holding a knife to her throat, and said her ransom was $50,000.

NY Post

Rivian R1T Powers Patient's Vasectomy After Clinic Power Outage.

A urologist used a pickup truck as a power source to perform a vasectomy. RIVIAN CRACKED.COM The power in Christopher Yang's Austin office was out, but a patient had al- ready taken time off for the procedure. So, natural- ly, he went outside and hooked into one of his Riv- ian R1T's power outlets.

The Drive

Period dignity officer role scrapped after abuse over man's appointment.

A Scotland group scrapped the role of period dignity officer after facing a backlash for appointing a man. CRACKED.COM Jason Grant was hired to help implement the legal right to free period prod- ucts, but the role will be discontinued following threats and abuse to those involved.

BBC

Fort Worth police respond to call of man with gun in church, turns out it was a cross.

Texas police responded to a call about a man with a gun in a church, but it turned out to be a cross. GRACKED.COM 9-1-1 callers reported a man came into the church with a gun and everyone was lying on the ground at one point. The cross-bear- ing man was taken to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation.

Star Telegram

Most powerful banker in the world claims inflation is caused by people not commuting.

The BlackRock CEO says inflation is caused by people not commuting. CRACKED.COM We have to get our employ- ees back in the office, Larry Fink says, arguing that it would lead to rising pro- ductivity that will offset some of the inflationary pressures. Sure, Jan.

Fortune

Earthquakes hit Liechtenstein parliament during quake insurance debate.

An earthquake insurance debate in Liechtenstein was interrupted by an earthquake. CRACKED.COM Just as the MPs dis- cussed whether the na- tion needs to mandate insurance in the event of quakes, they were hit with a 4.1 magnitude earthquake.

EuroNews

Skeleton of female "vampire" unearthed at cemetery in Poland.

A vampire skeleton buried under a sickle was unearthed in Poland. CRACKED.COM Polish researchers came across the remains of a woman with a triangular padlock on her foot in a cemetery. The sickle around her neck was believed to keep a vampire from return- ing from the dead.

CBS

Officer who wrote Met’s drug strategy smoked cannabis daily.

The Metropolitan police officer that wrote the force's drug strategy was a daily weed smoker. GRACKED G COM Commander Julian Ben- nett allegedly smoked cannabis in front of his lodger every day, and lat- er threatened to resign when he was asked to take a drug test.

The Guardian

Dr. Oz Campaign Hires Actors To Play Convicted Felons Supporting Fetterman.

The Dr. Oz Senate campaign hired actors to play felons in support of his opponent. CRACKED.COM The actors were portraying convicted felons and hold- ing signs saying Inmates for Fetterman. One shared images on his Instagram, saying, I can't believe how many idiots thought I was legit out of jail.

Newsweek 

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