This Is the ‘Righteous Gemstones’ Line That Was Too Filthy for Edi Patterson to Deliver

God immediately responded with a torrential downpour, seemingly in total agreement with her

Authors: By Tara Ariano
Published: June 04, 2023
Comments: 1

‘Deadloch’ Is the Best Australian Crime Drama Spoof You Will Probably Never Watch, But Should

Plus: the five other Australian comedies you should sample this summer (aka their winter)

Authors: By Tara Ariano
Published: June 04, 2023
Comments: 1

The Real-Life BFFs Behind ‘This Fool’s Quarreling Cousins

Chris Estrada and Frankie Quiñones discuss making the Hulu comedy authentic, how stand-up road life informs their characters’ chemistry and their surprisingly strong Minnesota fanbase

Authors: By Tara Ariano
Published: June 04, 2023
Comments: 1

PICTOFACT

13 Accomplishments in the History of Vulgarity

Bleepity bleep, we love a good bleepin’ story about bleeps!

Authors: By Jay L'Ecuyer, Andres Diplotti
Published: June 04, 2023
Comments: 2

PICTOFACT

13 Headlines We Must Warn The Past About; Quick, Into The Time Machine, There’s No Time To Explain

Science has found that NYC is literally slowly sinking into the ground.

Authors: By Andres Diplotti, Andrea Meno
Published: June 04, 2023
Comments: 6

43 Historical Jokes That We Still Think Are Pretty Funny Actually

By:: Brian C. Miller; Cracked Writers

November 01, 2021

43 Historical Jokes That We Still Think Are Pretty Funny Actually

Humor is a funny thing. It can come in all shapes and sizes, and it can be used to make us laugh or to make a point. In the case of historical jokes, we're using humor to teach people about history. Some of these jokes are old, some are new, but they all have one thing in common – they're hilarious! Did you hear the one about the history student who walked into a bar? If not, then you're in for a treat!

If there's one thing that never fails to make us laugh, it's a good old-fashioned joke. And when it comes to jokes, the funnier, the better, right? Well, turns out some of the jokes we've been telling for years might not be as funny as we think they are. In fact, a lot of them are actually pretty racist. Oops! Don't worry, though; we're not going to stop telling these jokes anytime soon. We just thought you should know what you're actually laughing at. Check out some of the most cringe-worthy historical jokes that we still think are hilarious below. You might be surprised at how offensive they really are!

43

Doctor, doctor jokes go back to Roman times. Doctor, when I awake from sleep I have a dizziness for half an hour. The physician replied, Awake after the half hour. -From Philogelos (4th century CE) CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

42

Shakespeare is highbrow today, but the bard wasn't above making yo mama jokes. as CHIRON Thou hast undone our mother. AARON Villain, I have done thy mother. -From Titus Andronicus CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

41

CRACKED.COM Did you hear the one about the Roman Emperor? A man came to Rome and caused everyone to turn their heads because he looked so similar to Caesar. Augustus ordered that the man be introduced to him, and when he saw him he asked this: Tell me, young man, was your mother ever in Rome? Не denied that she was, then added: But my father was often! -From Macrobius' Saturnalia (400 CE) — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

40

CRACKED.COM Rent in Rome was already too damn high 1,900 years ago. << You might buy an excellent house at Sora, Fabrateria, or Frusino, for one year's rent that you pay for a dark dog-hole at Rome. -Satires, by Juvenal (2nd century CE) — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

39

Aristophanes was making poop jokes 2,400 years ago. In the opening scene of the play Peace, two very grossed- out servants knead shit cakes to feed a giant dung beetle. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

38

CRACKED COM The 5th century CE had its own Or are you just happy to see me? line. << HERALD I am a herald, of course, I swear I am, and I come from Sparta about making peace. MAGISTRATE But look, you are hiding a lance under your clothes. -From Aristophanes' Lysistrata. — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

37

Sitcom jokes were already a thing 200 years ago. In John Tobin's play The Honey Moon (1805), a man reverses his anti-marriage stance after meeting a woman who is an angel. A sassy gal rejoinders: Ay, so are all women before marriage; and that's the reason their husbands so soon wish them in heaven afterwards. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

36

CRACKED COM Remember the Dead Parrot sketch? There was once a joke about a dead slave. The slave you sold me died. By the gods, replied the other man, he never did such a thing when he was with me. -From Philogelos (4th century CE) — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

35

The world's oldest joke is a fart joke. Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young woman did not fart in her husband's embrace. -Sumerian proverb (1900 ВСЕ) CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

34

CRACKED COM The Bible features dick size comparisons. When King Rehoboam is asked to lower his father's taxes, his buddies advise him to reply: My little finger is thicker than my father's loins. Basically: I'm packing bigger than my dad, so screw you all, I'm raising the taxes. — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

33

In college Sao Paulo, students city council 1959, MAN! Cacareco elections... a Rhinoceros called ...and she didn't just WIN, she CRUSHED her opponents. In protest to political corruption, Perfena 100,000 people voted YL (plástico) com to elect Cacareco. brincar Para O Trea feitor sua casa, vivel. Despite spoil-sport officials rsos nullifying the vote, Voto Cacareco became os a S/A. S popular slang term for protest vote across Brazil. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today**

32

Over 1000 people gathered to see a genuine snow-white elephant that was visiting the Frankfurt ZOO. Snow-White Elephant To Visit Frankfurt Zoo FRANKFURT, March 28 (S&S)- The Frankfurt ZOO announced today it would play host next weekend to a gigantie snow-white elephant The elephant, en ; route from Genoa to a Copenbagen zoo in a specially built railway car, will rest here Saturday and Sunday before starting the last leg of a trip from the Burmese jungles. It turned out, It was just CRACKED.COM a regular gray elephant painted white. — **Source:** **18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today**

31

During World War II, the British invented and smuggled strong itching powder into the Third Reich. The powder was applied to the underclothes of Nazi soldiers. Some was even applied to condoms. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today**

30

Ben Franklin: the original catfish. CRACKED.COM Franklin loved to write letters to newspapers under different pseudonyms, quite often female. One of his personas, a saucy middle aged widow named Silence Dogood, was so popular she even received marriage proposals. — **Source:** **18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today**

29

In the Satyricon (1st century CE), an older man seduces his host's son. At first the boy rebuffs him: Either you go to sleep or I'll call father! But then he relents, and turns out to be tireless. After three rounds, the exhausted man says: Either you go to sleep or I'll call father! CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

28

Philogelos, written in the 4th century СЕ, is the world's oldest collection of jokes. A witty student sold his books when he was short of money. Не then wrote to his father: Congratulate me, father, I am already making money from my studies. -From Philogelos CRACKED COM — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

27

CRACKED COM Aristophanes' The Clouds likens thunder to farts. Yes, yes, by Apollo I suffer, I get colic, then the stew sets to rumbling like thunder and finally bursts forth with a terrific noise. At first, it's but a little gurgling pappax, pappax! then it increases, papapappax! and when I take my crap, why, it's thunder indeed, papapappax! pappax!! papapappax!!! just like the clouds. — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

26

GRACKED.COM APPENDIX. 153 Timothy Dexter trolled grammar lovers. 66.23 In 1802, self-proclaimed Lord Dexter published A Pickle for the Knowing One, a book with no punctuation. When readers complained, he included all the punctuation marks in an appendix. — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

25

Cicero was telling lame dad jokes 2,000 years ago. Cicero, seeing his son-in-law (a man of small stature) passing by with a large sword by his side, exclaimed, Who tied my son-in-law to that long sword? -From Macrobius' Saturnalia (400 CE) GRACKED.COM — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

24

Shakespeare joked about cunnilingus. PETRUCHIO Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting? In his tail. KATHERINE In his tongue. PETRUCHIO Whose tongue? KATHERINE Yours, if you talk of tales, and so farewell. PETRUCHIO What, with my tongue in your tail? -From The Taming of the Shrew CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

23

CRACKED.COM Taking potshots at your wife wasn't invented by modern comedians. << A woman-hater paid his last respects at the tomb of his dead wife. When someone asked him Who has gone to rest? he replied, Me, now that I'm alone. -From Philogelos (4th century CE) — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

22

William Buckland, 19th century paleontologist, once pranked Oxford by writing GUANO (a bird or bat's poop, to the layman) on their lawn, using the aforementioned substance as ink. Though authorities cleaned the feces away, bird/bat-poop is a miracle fertilizer, so the grass continued to grow thicker and greener there, spelling out GUANO for months. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today**

21

Ten days before Christmas, 1965, two astronauts in orbit reported a UFO with a pilot in red. NASA TP STAFF ORO NASA XK SCH SAL JR They told Mission Control: I see a command module and eight smaller modules in front. The pilot of the command module is wearing a red suit, and played Jingle Bells on a harmonica. CRACKED.COM The voices at Mission Control initially got tense, but once the song finished, they relaxed and said You're too much. — **Source:** **18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today**

20

In 1961, Life SPORTS Magazine A revealed how Wet Way to Muhammad Ali Train for a Fight achieved powerful blows: by training - underwater. - Except it wasn't true. The photographer, Flip Schulke, was trying to impress Ali by showing his collection of underwater shots when they first met. Ali immediately said that he also happened to train underwater. Years after the photos were published, Ali confessed to Schulke that he never trained underwater, and that the first time he had done so was when Schulke was taking the pictures. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today**

19

In the 1920s, artist Waldo Peirce gifted his hotel concierge with a tiny turtle. She greatly appreciated the gift, especially as it grew CRACKED.COM prodigiously in just a few weeks. But amusement soon turned to mystification when the process bizarrely began to reverse itself; her large pet shrinking until it seemed it would dwindle away to nothing. Finally, seeing her at her wit's end, Peirce confessed: he'd been stealthily switching turtles at every opportunity. — **Source:** **18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today**

18

For their first-ever home football game, Auburn was hosting Georgia Tech. The night before the game, a group of Auburn students sneaked into the train station and greased the track, causing the visitors' train to skid for about 5 miles when 3 they tried to stop. 43966 The Georgia Tech players had to walk back into town and ended up losing the game 45-0. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today**

17

Joseph Mulhatten was a salesman known for tricking newspapers into publishing THE RIONKEY AS AFARMER. his absurd stories. A Kentuckian Finds Them Pre- ferable to Negroes in His. Hemp Fields. Richmond, Ky. Feb. 18.-Mr. J. B. Parkes, a substantial farmor near Kingston, in this county, has suc- of seven cessfuly trained a force large mookeys to work in his honip fields, and to break and prepare the hemp for market. They do the In 1887, the New York Times picked up his tall tale about CRACKED.COM trained monkeys picking hemp on a Kentucky farm. — **Source:** **18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today**

16

After a drunken evening in Spain Ernest Hemingway tricked his friend А.Е. Hotchner into becoming an amateur bullfighter. Hemingway started telling Hotchner that he wanted to be his bullfighting manager. Hotchner thought it was all in good fun until Hemingway showed up with an authentic suit and pushed him into the ring with several famous CRACKED.COM matadors. Hotchner was charged by a bull, but he got out safely. Hemingway made it up to him with another drunken evening in Spain. — **Source:** **18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today**

15

CRACKED.COM 16th-century humor was thirstier than you think. A gentleman taking his leave of his mistress said: I kiss your hands and your feet. She answered: Forget not, I pray, the station between. -From Anthony Copley's Wits, Fittes, and Fancies (1595) — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

14

CRACKED.COM In Aristophanes' Lysistrata, written 2,400 years go, the women go on a sex strike, and not all of them like it. WOMAN Oh, I simply must run home this minute! Gotta see about my good Milesian wool that the moths must be murdering. LYSISTRATA Moths? Tommyrot! You'll stay right here. WOMAN Honest, I'll be just a minute. All I want to do is spread my wool out on the bed. — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

13

GRAGKED.COM Lighting farts was already funny in the 18th century. I'th' int'rim, fond of mischief telling, The rainbow-goddess flies to Helen: Most modern farts I ever knew, When set on fire burn only blue, Or simple red, but when behind This nimble goddess lets out wind, You see not only reds and blues, But all the colours painters use. - From Thomas Bridges' A Burlesque Translation of Homer — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

12

GRACKED.COM Poggio Bracciolini was the Pope's secretary- and he wrote a book of dirty jokes. In Florence, a young woman, somewhat of a simpleton, was on the point of being delivered. She had long been enduring acute pain, and the midwife, candle in hand, inspected her private parts, in order to ascertain if the child was coming. Look also on the other side, said the poor creature. My husband has sometimes taken that road. -From Facetiae (15th century) — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

11

CRACKED COM The British of old waxed poetic about dirty riddles. Splendidly it hangs by a man's thigh, under the master's cloak. In front is a hole. It is stiff and hard; it has a goodly place. When the young man his own garment lifts over his knee, he wishes to visit with the head of what hangs the familiar hole he had often filled with its equal length. -From the Exeter Book, a 10th- century poetry anthology. (And it's a key, you pervs.) — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

10

CRACKED.COM CRIME AND Aristophanes foresaw Brian from Family Guy 2,400 years ago. In The Wasps, a dog is taken to trial for stealing a Sicilian cheese. A defense attorney says it should be acquitted, as it's just some dumb dog-but then someone else points out that the dog wrote its own defense plea. — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

9

CRACKED.COM Emperor Augustus was a real jokester. When Galba, whose body was deformed by a hump on his back, was pleading a case before him and kept saying, Set me straight if you find any fault, Augustus said, I can advise you, but I cannot set you straight. -From Macrobius' Saturnalia (400 CE) — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

8

GRACKED COM ST. LOUIS WOLVES Homer did Who's on first long before Abbott and Costello. In The Odyssey, Odysseus tells a cyclops his name is Outis, No Man. So when the cyclops calls No Man is slaying me! no one comes to help. — **Source:** **Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At**

7

According to various sources, Roman Emperor Elagabalus enjoyed playing jokes. One night during dinner, he allegedly had guests sit on cushions and slowly released the air from them, until they were sitting on the floor. WHOOPEE CUSHION CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today**

6

In 1818, American naturalist John Audubon made up 28 species, including a fish with bulletproof scales; to prank a visiting European naturalist. left. periodant exl wm Jac. The European naturalist, Constantine Rafinesque, believed it all and published his findings, with sketches. The motive? Audubon, who took in Rafinesque as a guest, one night found him naked and waving Audubon's favorite violin at bats that had flown in, convinced they were an undiscovered species. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today**

5

Leonardo Da Vinci dressed up a lizard to look like a dragon for one simple reason: So that he could use it to scare the crap out of his friends. He'd open the box containing the lizard and his friends would flee in terror. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today**

4

In 1910, a French novelist convinced a radical artist group that a painting made by a donkey was by a bold foreign painter. Roland Dorgelès tied a paintbrush to a donkey's tail, then fed it to make its tail wag back and forth across a canvas. Не told the artists the work was by Joachim-Raphaël Boronali, a pioneer of the new artistic movement Excessivism. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today**

3

John F Kennedy arranged a dinner to get his friend Lem Billings to meet actress Greta Garbo after listening to Lem boasting about his friendship with Greta. Kennedy asked the actress to act as if she didn't know Lem at all. After seeing Lem's awkward attempts to remind Greta of their previous outing, Kennedy asked Lem if the Greta he met the other day was a body double. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today**

2

In 1955, a research assistant snuck a joke into Nobel Prize-winning or work. before MY Mafter # F . A Flow- meter To voc tak 08:02 Pump points p C14 Small system = air activity A Lorge system . CO2 pressure H Soda lim - - M D E CO2 removal -- oir 1% CO2 agojoon K m Melvin Calvin's assistant made a bet that he could sneak a sketch of a man fishing into one of Calvin's papers, without him noticing. Не won the bet, and Calvin's research won the Nobel Prize. CRACKED.COM — **Source:** **18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today**

1

CRACKED.COM During his lawyer years Abraham Lincoln got a bunch of judges and lawyers to strip naked. While traveling with his legal buddies he suggested they take a shortcut by fording a river on horseback - naked, to keep their clothes dry. They did so, only to find that Lincoln had tricked them. The water was only a few feet deep. — **Source:** **18 Historical Practical Jokes That Are Still Funny Today**

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Sorry, ‘Office’ Fans — Mindy Kaling Says ‘Never Have I Ever’ Is the Highlight of Her Career

Said Kaling, ‘Never Have I Ever... loved a creative experience more than this’

Authors: By Keegan Kelly
Published: June 04, 2023
Comments: 2

5 Statues That Somehow Got Treated Like Living People

We find the accused guilty and sentence it to burn

Authors: By Ryan Menezes
Published: June 04, 2023
Comments: 1

20 Hilarious Tweets and TikToks That Wormed Their Way into Our Brain This Week

After three beers, Peter Griffin becomes your father

Authors: By Ian Garner
Published: June 04, 2023
Comments: 0

The Five Absolutely Essential Seth Rogen Movies

Going from lovable slacker to starring in Steven Spielberg dramas, the man with the goofy laugh and sweet demeanor has quietly become one of Hollywood’s most reliably charming stars

Authors: By Tim Grierson
Published: June 04, 2023
Comments: 2

10 ‘Simpsons’ Jokes That Have Become Embarrassingly Outdated

Just cause the show lasts forever, doesn’t mean the jokes do

Authors: By Neil Arsenty
Published: June 04, 2023
Comments: 9

PICTOFACT

12 Tantrums Thrown By Rich People For Objectively Silly Reasons

When some people tried to photograph Bill Murray, he threw their phones off the roof.

Authors: By JhallComics, Andrea Meno
Published: June 04, 2023
Comments: 6