Tell Us Now: What’s The Most Bonkers Movie You’re Sure Nobody Has Seen But You?

We asked Cracked readers on Facebook for some utterly bonkers movies they're pretty sure no one else in the world has ever seen. Thankfully, no one tried to The Ring us. But sadly, these weird-ass movies are now lodged in our brains where the Pythagorean theorem used to be.

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TELL US NOW. Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter CRACKED Terry M. knows how to pitch a dang movie: Jesus Christ returns to modern day to find evil day walking lesbian vampires terrorizing the city. They are controlled by an evil cannibal scientist. Jesus falls in love with a busty nun who

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TELL US NOW. Six String Samurai CRAGKED Brandon C. clearly forgot to hydrate: I was home with the flu about 15 years ago. I watched this movie with Buddy Holly with a katana trying to get to Vegas to be the king of Rock and Roll. I explained this to

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TELL US NOW. Larger Than Life Me's yof 5 ays to go 005-0-035. re's just Oe HC prohlem. GRAGKED Craig E. has been championing this Bill Murray joint since 1996: I don't think it's even that obscure of a movie, but none of my friends or family has seen or

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TELL US NOW. Babes in Toyland IE GRAGKED Ellice J. has a complicated relationship with this Keanu Reeves and Drew Barrymore joint: I know I'm not the only one to have seen it, but I haven't met anyone in person that, when I bring it up, they don't look at

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TELL US NOW. The Stuff ill the police. you have it your home... on't touch ..get out. IE STUFF a product nature... deadly ving organism. is addictive GRACKED Sergio S. highly recommends this horror b-movie with catchy jingles for an addictive, alien, zombifying dessert.

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TELL US NOW. The 9 Lives of Fritz the Cat CRAGKED Blockbuster destroyed Nate B's innocence: Borrowed the VHS when I was ~8yo, it was in the kids' section. It's an adult animation including 6-breasted catwomen & a homeless wino Dog named God.

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TELL US NOW. The Greasy Strangler GRACKED Jonathan B. calls this one of the most bat-sh*t insane movies I've ever seen. Incredibly gross, unapologetic, obscene and disturbing with terrible writing, absurdist humour and purposefully bad acting. I absolutely love it.'

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TELL US NOW. Nightbreed GRAGKED Dylan B. explains why shrooms, obscure horror flicks, and prankster friends don't mix: A couple of my buddies were tripping on shrooms once and asked me to throw on a movie. I went with a childhood favorite film of mine... They were not happy with

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TELL US NOW. Suck CRACKED Mark S. has a personal connection to this movie about a vampire rock band: Malcolm McDowell is in it. I met him once to get his autograph and I had him sign the DVD. He was sO shocked someone had seen it that he called

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TELL US NOW. The Brain CRACKED Dave L. leveled with us: I'll be honest, as a little kid this movie -- just the tape of it - scared the S** out of me. Until I finally watch it and I realized it was a Canadian horror film and it wasn't David Cronenberg.

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TELL US NOW. Cannibal! The Musical GRAGKED Emmy A. was one of the lucky few who caught Matt Stone and Trey Parker's first musical-- a student film about Mormon-adjacent travelers who had to resort to cannibalism.

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TELL US NOW. Frankenstein's Army GRAGKED Bethany F. recalls this practical effects masterpiece: Little CGI was used and the monsters were pretty unique.

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8

TELL US NOW. Cafe Flesh CRACKED Angelica S. has relatively rave reviews of this porn/sci-fi: Wonderful otherworldly soundtrack, some really profound lines and an amazing performance from Max Melodramatic''. Not the perfect movie but definitely worth a watch.

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TELL US NOW. Quatermass and the Pit I GRAGKED Richard D. went and got all serious on Us: Great sci-fi movie that actually addresses where man's concept of sin and the devil may have actually originated from.

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TELL US NOW. Freaked CRACKED Jeff M. is questioning his own sanity: I'm still not sure I've seen it. It could easily be a fever dream. I'm afraid to check the old vhs tape because it may be blank.

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TELL US NOW. Fido dead WFIDO is bloody atunny. vibrant. colorful good fitm. time with is a very funny a social commentary. FIDO directed... pertect xelt and THIS IS KILLER SATIRE. RISH STTIE PRICELESS SCRIPL ROP-DEAD AND A PEBISBEE CAST SINKING IHEIB AND GIT BACK AQAIN TEFTH INTO A BICH SATIRE

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TELL US NOW. Odishon GRAGKED Kelsey B. is looking for like-minded horror fans: I have never met anyone else who has watched it and it was the most disturbing horror movie I have ever seen. And I've seen them all.

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TELL US NOW. Mother Goose Rock 'n' Rhyme CRACKED Izzi C. is starting a grassroots campaign for this old school Disney Channel movie: Been trying to get this nostalgic piece of my childhood onto Disney+ by recommending it on their website sO if anyone else HAS seen it you should

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TELL US NOW. Strangeland CRACKED Amy K's description is making us hallucinate AOL dial-up sounds: a great representation of 1998's sub culture: chat rooms, body modification art, industrial music, underground raves, and somehow Dee Snider is oddly enticing as he is disturbing as the lead antagonist.'

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TELL US NOW. Monsturd CRACKED Brian Z. wouldn't wish this turd on his worst enemy: I hope nobody else saw Monsturd. I rented it at Blockbuster way back in the day cause I couldn't believe someone made a movie about this.

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