They Can’t All Be GOOP: 13 Celebrity Business Ventures That Were Colossal Failures

If your business plan consists of “insert celebrity name here,” you might as well call the bankruptcy lawyers now and beat the rush. 

13

ANNE SOMERS DERAI TEP SUZANNE'S KITCHEN The concept: GO to Suzanne's Kitchen, buy your ingredients, prepare your meal, then take it home to eat. Which sounds suspiciously like grocery shopping and cooking. The biz went belly-up after only a few months. somers wanted to switch to organic ingredients, a

CNBC

12

STEVEN 5 ISPIELBERG DIVE! CRACKED.COM When you call your restaurant a Dive, aren't you asking for it? The submarine-the eatery simulated a dive every thirty minutes, with blaring sirens and flashing red lights giving patrons the bends. Inititally popular, the business ultimately sank.

Seattle Post Intelligencer

11

KIM EE BASINGER E3411 VASHINGTON. BRASELTON, GA At the height of her stardom, Basinger bought Braselton, GA Cpopuluation 500) for $20 million, with the intention of turning it into a tourist attraction/ movie studio. The excitement wore off quickly, with one newspaper labeling it The Town that Kim Forgot.

Chicago Tribune

10

NEIL YOUNG 3411 SOF ASHINGTON DE PONO PLAYER Cours Srpedtfond tdiol.l. Pono CRACKED COM No, not Porno Player, which likely would have been a more lucrative product. Young's device played high-quality audio files for music lovers. Cool! Two problems: Labels wanted to charge a premium for the hi-res files and Apple bought

Noise 11

9

NATALIE PORTMAN dy cuality or style VEGAN FOOTWEAR CRACKEDCO The animal-friendly shoe line was always meant to be a limited edition, but the Natalie Portman collection for Te Casan was done in less than a year. Maybe no one could foot the $200 a pair pricetag?

E Online

8

KARDASHIANS EER KARDASHIAN KARD 5154 7512 S 3456 Debit 749 LE CARDHOLDER 12/12 Mastertard CRACKED.COM Fewer than 300 people actually signed up for the Kardashian Kard, a debit card notorious for huge fees. As in a hundred bucks just to sign up, $5 a month in just because fees, $1

Cosmopolitan

7

JUSTIN 5 TIMBERLAKE MYSPACE REBOOT CRACKED.COM After getting its ass handed to it by Facebook, MySpace joined up with Justin Timberlake for a music-focused relaunch. Spoiler alert: No one cared. To make matters worse, Space accidently deleted 50 million songs by 14 million artists in 2019. Oops.

Vox

6

JESSICA INGRON 5 SIMPSON EDEF DESSERT BEAUTY Hloody CRAGKED CON 9 What more do you need to know than edible toiletries? With products ranging from Deliciously Kissable Belly Button Love Potion to Whipped Body Cream with Sprinkles, Dessert Beauty guaranteed sickly sweet scents and a sticky mess.

Bustle

5

DONALD SOFP  3411 AERL WASHINGTON TRUMP Al.w PDERA TRUMP AIRLINES THUINP CRACKED.COM Trump Airlines launched in 1989, providing quick flights between NYC, Boston, and DC. DOeS Trump's assessment of his own airline sound familiar? We were the most sucCessful flight. We had more people than anybody else, and we had

Business Insider

4

CURT SCHILLING 38 STUDIOS TOP LOCAL STORY Schilling Addresses 38 Studios Failure Leave Schilling's politics out of this and just call him a dopey business man. The World Series hero blew $50 million on a fledgling video game company, along with $75 million in Rhode lsland taxpayer money. By

Sportscasting.com

3

BLAKE E3411 LIVELY AINGTON, PRESERVE WEBSITE Think of it as Lively's version of GOOP, just without the audience or the product sales.s She pulled the plug on Preserve since it was not making a difference in people's lives, whether superficially or in a meaningful way. The -aware Lively promised

Vanity Fair

2

IBRITNEY SPEARS DERA NYLA Nyla was a restaurant that combined the postal codes for New York and Spears' Louisiana home. The Cajun cookery piled up both debt and health code violations before Britney bailed. Nyla's Toxic menu was offered for less than a year before shutting down for good.

Vanity Fair

1

FLAVOR OFP E3411 EEV VASHINGTON. FLAV FLAVOR FLAV'S FRIED CHICKEN ar FLAV'S FRIED CHICKEN CRACKED The planned chain never took off and customers were probably better for it. Take Flav's first restaurant in, of all places, Clinton, lowa. Let me be straight up with you, I went up inside there

Rolling Stone