25 Jokes and Quotes to Make You Laugh and Think

Don’t let the thinking get in the way of the laughing though!
25 Jokes and Quotes to Make You Laugh and Think

We cant decide if were more into absurd jokes or thinkers, but maybe theres no point in choosing. Our genuine, spur-of-the-moment reaction to any sort of funniness will do the choosing for us. 

Here’s a little of column A and a little of column B. Go into it with an open mind and see which ones tickle your fancy. Hmm, thats a bit of an off-putting term, huh? 

Enjoy these fancy-ticklers! Yup, off-putting for sure.

Jazz Hands and Wasps

 1y Do Jazz hands in front of wasps and they'll fly away. You'll look like an Idiot, but its working

Why You Don't Skimp

davedavegiveusawave . 1y Don't skimp on anything between you and the ground. Shoes, tyres, beds, chairs. Even parachutes... ... 316

Why Do North Koreans Draw the Best Straight Lines?

ripnetuk 4y ago Why do North Koreans draw the best straight lines ??? Because they have a supreme ruler. 870 ...

What Happened to the Passengers of the Pink Ship When It Crashed Into the Purple Ship?

Sabiis 4y ago . My wife's favorite Joke - What happened to the passengers of the pink ship when it crashed into the purple ship? They were all marooned! 522 ...

What’s Worse Than Raining Cats and Dogs?

chacham2 . 4y ago . What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxicabs. 715 ...

Dad, Why Did You Name Me Achilles?

theoriginalstarwars 4y ago Kid comes home from school and says Dad, why did you name me Achilles? Не is a Greek hero and we have no Greek in our family. Well son, you did make it through the Trojan wall. + 1.8K ...

How Do You Make a Car Top?

Mcbattlebot 4y ago e How do you make a car top? Тер on the brake Tupid! + 5.1K ...

Why Do you Never See Elephants Hiding in Trees?

WatchTheBoom E 4y ago Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're pretty darn good at it. + 1.2K ...

Why Did the Blind Guy Fall into the Well?

The420St0n3r . 4y ago . Edited 4y ago . Why did the blind guy fall into the well? Не couldn't see that well.

The Best Pickup Line Ever

IronTemplar26 4y ago The Ford F-150 has a towing capacity of 11,500 pounds That's my best pickup line 734 ...

What Side of a Chicken Has the Most Feathers?

RodamusLong 4y ago What side of a chicken has the most feathers? The outside. 762 ...

Why Do Some Couples Not Go to the Gym?

Oisean2327 4y ago . Why do some couples not go to the gym? Some relationships don't work out. 562 ...

Have You Heard the One About Blind Sex Workers?

1up_for_life . 4y ago You really gotta hand it to blind prostitutes. + 744 ...

John Waters

Once we have identified and embraced our sickness, we'll have strength! And that's when we get dangerous. John Waters, The Pope of Trash CRACKED.COM

Carroll O’Connor

CRACKED COM I hate pride, but if I were going to be proud of anything it would have to be something I'd done myself. And race pride is kind of stupid. -Carroll O'Connor

Ozzy Osbourne

I keep hearing this  thing that guns don't kill people, but people kill people. If that's the case, why do we give people guns when they go to war? Why not just send the people? CZZY CRACKED.COM OSBOURNE

Did You Hear About the Dyslexic Devil Worshipper?

AntiSentience ® 3y ago Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? Не sold his soul to Santa. + 71 ...

Grandma Heads Down to Church...

Ashley9225 0 3y ago Grandma heads down to church for services. She gets there and asks a guy outside, Is Mass out? The guy replies, No, but your hat's on crooked. + 36 ...

Why Don’t Blind People Go Skydiving?

AiharaSisters e 3y ago Why don't blind people go skydiving? because it scares the hell out of the dog 36 ...

Why Doesn’t Oedipus Use Foul Language?

cyberjar88 . 3y ago Why doesn't Oedipus use foul language? Не kisses his mother with that mouth. + 16 ...

Playing A Blank CD at Full Blast

KingGuy420 . 3y ago I played a blank CD at full blast last night, the mime next door was pissed. 20 ...

Jesus Walks into a Hotel...

Temporary_Quality_66 . 3y ago Jesus walks into a hotel and throws three nails on the counter and says  11 Can you put me up for the night? 8 ...

An Elephant Gets on a Bus...

Robcobes 3y ago An elephant gets on the bus and sits beside a man. The man looks shocked and says wow! This is the first time I've seen an elephant ride the bus!. To which the elephant replies and it will be the last, tomorrow my moped will be back from the repairshop. 3 ...

Heard About the New Restaurant Called Karma?

hawtdawg619 3y ago Heard about the new restaurant called Karma? There's no menu: You get what you deserve. 4 ...

The Need for a Good Plunger

A wise man once tole me: Buy a plunger before you need a plunger

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