55 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of May 5, 2024

‘IP address? At the toilet like everyone else’
55 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of May 5, 2024

Much like his character Lil’ Kev’s rap career, actor Kyle Davis isn’t necessarily bringing in the big bucks with his iconic appearances on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. In a video recently uploaded to social media, Davis, who most famously starred in Season Three’s “Sweet Dee’s Dating a (Redacted) Person,” got candid about what his residual checks look like, revealing that he made total of $291.33 — or $182.52 after taxes — on a recent payment from the long-running sitcom. 

“This is actually a nice one,” he said of his payout. 

Payday, however, looks a whole lot different just slightly up the East Coast. Though it may only cost a Peacock subscription for most folks to watch SNL, the price is a whole lot higher for New York residents. The sketch series reportedly garnered an eye-popping $111 million in tax credits between 2017 and 2014, according to the New York Times, noting that other shows like The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel also raked in tens of millions of dollars. 

Thankfully, these hilarious tweets from the last seven days don’t cost a thing. The best include those about aspirational jaw unclenching, Tom Cruise heading to McDonald’s and what it really means to rotate one’s tires.

quiche @havingfunonIne . M May 3 ... Went for a walk instead of killing myself. this is what your 20s are all about 211 31K 173K 3.9M
@babybunnerfly • 20h The real gooners are the girls that always hold their pee 39 254 3.2K 76K
Arcade Assassin @arcade_assassin May 3 0 A ... UNLOCK YOUR INNER YOGURT MALE SESTA 100 7 Yogurt Male Affirmations I Unlock Your Power  Colaws 158K views 2 years ago 212 56K 5.5K del 1.1M
GREGY @Gregy_Online . May 3 ... i almost asked my cat a genuine question 104 5.2K 65K del 1.2M
@Vickcantmiss May 4 S ... Me after saying I have to lock in 57 22K 117K del 3.2M
@RealBigBaby . May 4 ... Was in Starbucks and saw these girls getting these clear drinks so I asked, what are those clear drinks? and they said water 14 502 17K 303K
S primateluvr @primateluvr May 3 ... Get a job nope I'm sitting on da branch 52 49K 4.6K del 1M
lesbian vega @girlfrxtting May 4 ... you should get your tires rotated they already rotate when i drive the car Ass Hole 9 1K 11K 103K
Jeremy Herbert @DDayFilms.2 22h ... when mom turns toward McDonald's instead of home 5 474 12K del 259K
via @atrophicbtrfly 21h ... i bet being left in a hot car feels good af for the first 5 minutes 4.2K 15 189 56K
ed @rithsattendant. May 5 G ... Bro is onions John Halo @EpicMasterChief - May 5 ok this is frying me 29 3.2K 76K del 1.5M
/ HOURLY I. Springs shitpost @hourty_shitpost - May 4 s ... mist or beast Rated Good 86 4K 81K 1.3M
chris alsikkanTM @AlsikkanTV . 16h G ... I would buy a monorail from her Monica Barbaro Updates @MBarbaroUpdates - 16h An HD look at Monica Barbaro's 2025 #MetGala outfit! gettyimages Credit: WWD 18 391 10K du 316K
G ... expiredkirspies @beyoncesspamacc•1 12h Y'all 24 2.1K 22K del 243K
no context memes G ... @weirddalle May 5 Almost forgot this is the whole point 188 5.3K 83K del 2.4M
cosmic girl @nicotinequeen69 - May 5 ... gooner with a job call that hard at work 48 3.7K 38K 765K
HOURLY shitpost @hourly_shitpost. May 4 G ... pineapple on pizza not even bad 77 2.1K 38K 673K
G cherry @cherrydirtysoul May 5 ... why is benson boone playing arenas and why does his stage look like a giant ballsack Seat Map 2 318 314 315 316 317 313 319 312 320 139 141 143 137 145 311 321 15 9 10 11 12 13 14 310 16 322 8 17 7 FLOOR 309 STAGE 323 PT 308 324 FLOOR 6 18 5 307 325 3 2 1 21 20 4 19 306 326 115 107 113 111 109 305 327 328 304 302 301 330 303 329 Map above does not reflect availability of tickets. Seating charts
@Mike27356894 May 4 O ... Mike27356894 Frick my stupid freaking chungus life man. GLASSE <<<<<<<<<<< Krispy Kreme DOUGHMUTS MADE fresh DAILY-SINCE wa 12 ORIGINAL GLAZED® 101 1.1K 17K 374K
am rod @arod_twit . 19h ... Ok woah. That's a lot of information. Explain it to me like I'm a genius, who also happens to be beautiful. 6 362 4.3K 72K
:@sn0oozey : . 22h ... Asking to hit his vape one more time before we part ways forever 10 745 6.9K 102K
mau @rllydu . 15h ... it actually is possible to be chopped in a beautiful way. julienned, for example 10 702 6.6K 89K
walker @walkercapl. 15h ... Eating a Toblerone and the triangles start bouncing around my stomach like a DVD menu 6 250 4.6K 58K
meredith @dietz_meredith . 10h ... when my beautiful friend becomes single i shall run the conclave for her next bf 4 101 2.1K 34K
Mariah Couture @MariahCoutureX May 5 s ... Tom Hardy appearing in a durag means six more weeks of white boy summer 300 5.3K 104K del 3.3M
bailey moon @Baileymoon15 May 5 ... this couple i know from college got married this past weekend. she wrote a three paragraph long caption about how in love she is. his post just said my wiiiife wawaweeewa 191 5.8K 169K 3.4M
BAD IDEA @llutopresido123 - May 6 ... telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life 428 28K 186K 3.1M
@oh_itsjustapril . 22h s Itsprobablyapril ... hitachi magic flail and Music @oh_itsjustapril May 2 Itsprobablyapril hitachi magic mace 129 56K 4.6K 1.9M
ben @ben4benis . 19h I want your tweets on my desk at 9am tomorrow 5 157 1.2K 26K
laura @STARM1LT0N May 6 s ... SAF posted this on my story and my friend asked if he's the new pope @lewishamilton 164 5.3K 95K del 1.1M
beef clapton: soldier of fort... @thetrompw... 12h s ... there needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they're doing 17 670 8.4K 136K
NO CONTEXT HUM... @HumansNoCon... May 6 G ... Could 100 men beat a gorilla? Literally our ancestors: 1K 7.7K 217K del 5.2M
mau @rllydu . 22h do i believe in angel numbers?? yes... her phone number 23 1.8K 12K 203K
Good Girl Gone Mad @GGGoneMad.22h ... For 8 months I've assumed our neighbors across the alley are a gay couple but in the past wknd ive started suspecting it was only ever One Single Man and sometimes he wears a baseball cap and sometimes he doesn't 6 153 5.3K 50K
trash jones @jzux 16h ... this is how it feels to be alive right now asd 1/4 A frog spotted Mid-Air during NASA rocket launch (2013). 29 3.6K 37K del 635K
Cats with pawerful aura @AuraWithCat . May 5 s ... 352 20K 136K 3.4M
Sage @Q3Mar May 5 ... Me exercising in my room with absolutely no form 11 1.7K 13K del 119K
emily may @emilykmay . May 6 ... just saw two women crying and hugging in the locker room at planet fitness and then i heard one of them say, I'm brittany by the way 222 3K 73K 1.2M
kit duckworth @cgduckworth.2 21h ... flying across the country with my real id, my real ego, my real superego 23 2.8K 29K 454K
Horned Sphere @Horned_Sphere 21h ... Writing potty trained on my resume 17 690 7.9K del 108K
vivi @mooncatvivi 20h ... busy day today Steps 13:25 > 1 step 44 6.8K 53K del 713K
HOURLY L - shitpost @hourly_shitpost. May 6 O ... man Guys should I: А. Pay 2.90$ В. Get blasted by 47 cops 50 3K 83K 931K
s ... Yan is Smoke Watching @MJJoyceCrowley.1 17h Conclave (2024) did not win the Oscars because it was playing the long game (get re-enacted in real time with the entire world now watching) 5 1.4K 16K 167K
horse dentist @equine_dentist . 15h ... beautiful siblings insider trading and money laundering Money Launderi... Insider Trading Puppy Rough Colli... Puppy Rough Colli... 332 miles away 332 miles away 366 7 5.1K del 61K
Groby @groby5000000 . 22h ... IP Address? At the toilet like everyone else 12 1.5K 15K 204K
The Black Supreme ... @BlackSupreme... May 7 ... Apple really SNAPPED when they made this feature From Messages 566574 1 2 3 ABC DEF 4 5 6 GHI JKL MNO 146 15K 242K del 6.1M
Sean Doherty @seandoherty . 23h ... you just know one of the cardinals is like I am the hottest one at the conclave omg 14 511 14K 211K
nes O @feydemon - May 6 ... did you use the pencil fleshlight or were you normal krill @anthraxp1mp May 5 636 4.9K 121K del 3.4M
G Alex @alexxmalloy May 7 ... yas island: Joker Junction Blocked Hetero Hills Sapphic Steps Liberal Lagoon Pronoun Park Poly Plant LGBTQ Lake Snowflake Shores Drag Depot Lesbian Lodge Trans and Towers Ratio Row She/Her Springs Sus Shafts 5بى Pansexual Peak Passing Palms Fruity Flights Furry Fields Homosexual Hamlet Lover Landing Pop Base @PopBase May 7 Disney announces plans to open a new theme park on Yas Island. 17 1.1K 15K 524K
Paris @goodyhilton . 22h ... I'd love to unclench my jaw someday 38 11K 49K del 800K
orbeez gosh @orbeezgosh - May7 ... Maybe he's jacking off to my personality 78 3.3K 36K 698K
cleon @dragonsnaydra . 2 20h ... the sixteenth chapel when they have a new pope 0:01 From ryan 98 6.7K 73K del 1.4M
ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl . 17h ... he'll yes is an insane thing for my iPhone to keep thinking I wanna say 53 2.4K 50K 589K
G jynx @jynxbby 22h ... female seahorses after knocking their man up Sabrina Carpenter 161 26K 309K del 3.5M
@charleyonhere - May 7 ... (Website I've never been on once in my life): you've reached your article limit 22 2.6K 42K 430K

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