Cracked Archive - Sex

Straight Guy's Guide to Being Friends With Hot Women [COMIC]

Bragging about your stamina is a bad idea, it turns out.


The Rich Dick's Guide to Picking Up Women

Ladies are everywhere, science has proven it. Even as I write this I can see one across the room from me, sleeping soundly atop my favorite piano, and I can hear the other two showering down the hall.


7 Bizarre Products for Dressing Up Your Genitals

In a time when everything from artificial tans to calf implants has become culturally acceptable, for some reason genitals usually get left out of the body-decoration process. The only real option until recently was choosing between carpet or hardwood floors. Well, not anymore!


Online Stalking: How to Google Your Way Out of Love [CHART]

The most common form of online creepiness.


The 7 Most Terrifying Sex Toys Ever Patented

We've found seven people with the ego, the balls and the terrifying machinery to shout, 'Everyone in the world was boning wrong before I came along!'


6 Factors That Secretly Influence Who You Have Sex With

According to science, the world around you is dangerously full of hidden aphrodisiacs that can land you in bed, and even in long-term relationships, with someone who's totally wrong for you.


The 6 Most Cynical Exploitations of Romantic Love in History

Every year, we hear too-cool cynics deride Valentine's Day as a holiday invented by greeting card companies that cynically exploit romantic love for profit. But we say, so what? Society has been exploiting romantic love since the day it was invented.


I am still determined to get several books published, so that I may enrich the world with my knowledge, and impress chicks who sell books enough to inspire them to have sex with me.


The 8 Most Misguided Attempts at 'Sexy' Videos on YouTube

I am a fan of sex. Even when it's not nuzzling against my lap, I find it heartwarming to know it's still out there in the world. Yet sadly, there are people who insist on handling it recklessly.


I Want to Put My Book Inside You: A Message to New Kindles

Go ahead and get lost while your Kindle and I chat. I just want to talk some business.


6 Adult Movie Titles Altered to Be Oscar Contenders

Strep Throat: One woman uses her throat to tell people to stop being pussies.


5 Scientific Reasons Your Girlfriend's Father Hates You

There's nothing you can do about it, because the Universe is working to make sure the old man hates you forever.


5 People Who Started Religions Just to Get Laid

Sometimes, joining a cult means finding yourself attached at the junk to a creepy weirdo who couldn't figure out a less shameless way to get laid.


The Beginning of a Very Confusing Adolescence [COMIC]

Kid's going to make for a terrible first boyfriend.