Cracked Archive - Sex

I am still determined to get several books published, so that I may enrich the world with my knowledge, and impress chicks who sell books enough to inspire them to have sex with me.

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The 8 Most Misguided Attempts at 'Sexy' Videos on YouTube
The 8 Most Misguided Attempts at 'Sexy' Videos on YouTube

I am a fan of sex. Even when it's not nuzzling against my lap, I find it heartwarming to know it's still out there in the world. Yet sadly, there are people who insist on handling it recklessly.

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I Want to Put My Book Inside You: A Message to New Kindles
I Want to Put My Book Inside You: A Message to New Kindles

Go ahead and get lost while your Kindle and I chat. I just want to talk some business.

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6 Adult Movie Titles Altered to Be Oscar Contenders
6 Adult Movie Titles Altered to Be Oscar Contenders

Strep Throat: One woman uses her throat to tell people to stop being pussies.

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5 Scientific Reasons Your Girlfriend's Father Hates You
5 Scientific Reasons Your Girlfriend's Father Hates You

There's nothing you can do about it, because the Universe is working to make sure the old man hates you forever.

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5 People Who Started Religions Just to Get Laid
5 People Who Started Religions Just to Get Laid

Sometimes, joining a cult means finding yourself attached at the junk to a creepy weirdo who couldn't figure out a less shameless way to get laid.

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The Beginning of a Very Confusing Adolescence [COMIC]
The Beginning of a Very Confusing Adolescence [COMIC]

Kid's going to make for a terrible first boyfriend.

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Happy Post-Thanksgiving! Why I'm Sleeping Naked In Your Fireplace
Happy Post-Thanksgiving! Why I'm Sleeping Naked In Your Fireplace

Why is anyone naked, you know? Aren't we all, on some level, always naked, and also never naked? But on a more hometown level, I'm naked because I used my clothes to put out a fire someone started in your linen closet.

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5 Reasons Women Are As Shallow As Men (According to Science)
5 Reasons Women Are As Shallow As Men (According to Science)

Thanks to romantic comedies and crappy comedians, we know that men are crude, shallow boors that only care about sex, and women are weepy sensitive hippies that only care about poetry and what's on the inside.

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How to Really Solve The Problem of Teen Pregnancy [COMIC]
How to Really Solve The Problem of Teen Pregnancy [COMIC]

It's much simpler than you think.

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How to Refer to Someone's Life-Partner [COMIC]
How to Refer to Someone's Life-Partner [COMIC]

There really is no non-awkard word for that.

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Snuggie Sutra: 10 Ways to Use Sleeves on a Blanket [CHART]
Snuggie Sutra: 10 Ways to Use Sleeves on a Blanket [CHART]

If you can suddenly reinvent keeping warm while getting cozy with a great novel, there's no reason you can't reinvent keeping warm while getting cozy with a great lover.

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The 6 Most Insane Sex Lives in the Animal Kingdom
The 6 Most Insane Sex Lives in the Animal Kingdom

No matter how nasty you like to get in your leather-studded Bone Chamber, there are multiple species of the animal kingdom who still put you to shame.

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