Cracked Archive - Sex

The Bad Drunk's Guide to Partying [FLOWCHART]

It's not enough to merely suck. The obnoxious drunk knows he must suck at ear splitting volumes.


How to Be a Good Husband During 'Lady Times' [COMIC]

It's our duty as men.


Cooking For Your Nemesis

It's easy to recognize your nemesis (it's the one close friend you have who you probably once seriously contemplated murdering), but how do you cook for your nemesis in a way that forces him/her to acknowledge their laughable inadequacies?


4 Romantic Books to Disgust and Annoy Your Lover

Seanbaby proves beyond any shadow of a doubt, that romance guru and best-selling author of '1001 Ways to be Romantic', Gregory J.P. Godek is the stupidest, laziest waste of stem cells to ever 'write' a book.


Straight Guy's Guide to Being Friends With Hot Women [COMIC]

Bragging about your stamina is a bad idea, it turns out.


The Rich Dick's Guide to Picking Up Women

Ladies are everywhere, science has proven it. Even as I write this I can see one across the room from me, sleeping soundly atop my favorite piano, and I can hear the other two showering down the hall.


7 Bizarre Products for Dressing Up Your Genitals

In a time when everything from artificial tans to calf implants has become culturally acceptable, for some reason genitals usually get left out of the body-decoration process. The only real option until recently was choosing between carpet or hardwood floors. Well, not anymore!


Online Stalking: How to Google Your Way Out of Love [CHART]

The most common form of online creepiness.


The 7 Most Terrifying Sex Toys Ever Patented

We've found seven people with the ego, the balls and the terrifying machinery to shout, 'Everyone in the world was boning wrong before I came along!'


6 Factors That Secretly Influence Who You Have Sex With

According to science, the world around you is dangerously full of hidden aphrodisiacs that can land you in bed, and even in long-term relationships, with someone who's totally wrong for you.


The 6 Most Cynical Exploitations of Romantic Love in History

Every year, we hear too-cool cynics deride Valentine's Day as a holiday invented by greeting card companies that cynically exploit romantic love for profit. But we say, so what? Society has been exploiting romantic love since the day it was invented.


I am still determined to get several books published, so that I may enrich the world with my knowledge, and impress chicks who sell books enough to inspire them to have sex with me.