Cracked Archive - Sex

5 Things Girls Don't Seem to Understand About 'Nice Guys'

Hi, ladies! These are my tips for turning the sweet guy you say you want into the brute you actually do.


4 Things Single Men Will Never Fully Understand About Women

We're idiots, and should be treated as such. To that end, here are four things you can stop trying to explain to us, effective immediately ...


3 Mistakes Women Make When Dealing With Men

Yes, ladies, you're right. When it comes to sexual interactions, men are mostly awful. But you can’t avoid a problem just by not trusting it. Here are three of the biggest mistakes women make when dealing with the awful half of humanity.


5 Gay Guys Who Got More Women Than Most Straight Men

I hold no special insight or sexuality degree, but I didn't let that stop me from writing an article about gay dudes who've had sex with a bunch of ladies.


6 Tips for Turning Awful Fan Fiction into a Best Seller

I interned briefly as a reader at a literary agency, meaning I read hundreds of submissions -- or rather, I read several submissions wearing hundreds of masks. And I'm going to share what I learned with you.


5 Reasons Women Will Rule the Future

Add it all up, pile on the disproportionate number of male war casualties worldwide, and you're left with the inescapable conclusion that most of the globe will soon be potpourri-scented and sensibly arranged.


5 Ways Modern Men Are Trained to Hate Women: Update

Go to the front page of any mostly male discussion site like and see how many inches you can browse before finding several thousand men bemoaning how all women are gold-digging whores (7,500 upvotes) and how crazy and irrational women are (9,659 upvotes) and how horrible and gross and fat women are (4,000 upvotes).


The 5 Creepiest 'Progressive' Parenting Fads

You don't want to be your old-fashioned, neglectful parents; no, you're the wave of the future, and your kids are the waviest of the future, and you know it. And then that entire line of thinking gets completely out of hand and ridiculous stuff like this starts happening.


The 7 Worst Sex Lives in the Animal Kingdom

As it turns out in the animal kingdom, for one gender, sex is the only reason they're alive; for the other, it's a terrifying, painful nightmare.


The 6 Sleaziest Ways Animals Are Mimicking Human Sexuality

Have you ever asked, 'Are there disturbing ways in which animal sex lives resemble ours?' The answer is yes, unfortunately. Also, you're a pervert.


The 5 Weirdest Reasons We Have Sex (According to Science)

We're not saying these theories behind our sexual behaviors are the gospel truth or that there aren't other, conflicting theories out there. But if they are, sex is even weirder than we thought.


5 YouTube Music Videos That Suck the Fun Out of Sex

YouTube is filled with music videos from nobodies who still sing about sex as though it's something they have to tolerate. They sing about sex because they think they have to, but they are mean to it, they are dismissive of it and they do their best to just suck the magic out of it for anyone watching.


5 Ridiculous Sex Myths Everyone Believes

What do you know about sex? Even with all that you have going for you, the real and correct answer is probably 'nothing.'


11 Impressive Valentines for People in Made Up Relationships

Love, like a poltergeist, is invisible to the naked eye and can only be witnessed by the force it bears on objects. To really understand it, you need to feel it, to be possessed by it or, at the very least, to see the way it can tear up a living room when it goes wrong. And like a poltergeist, sometimes love is actually just a big ruse designed by


5 Insignificant Things That Determine Who You Have Sex With

Turns out there are even more things that get people to consider knowing us in the biblical way, and they're so subtle and random that pants-wearing just seems stupid now.