The Cracked offices became considerably stinkier after this article made its rounds.
Are these UFOs alien? We're not saything that. We're just saying they're really, really weird.
In order to find a legitimate comparison for the most anticipated and hotly debated product of all time, we had to stray outside the world of consumer goods ...
Geniuses tend to only be geniuses on one subject. Just as you don't ask Peyton Manning for soccer tips, you don't ask a veterinarian to do your prostate exam. And you really don't want to ask William Shockley about genetics.
If you thought interspecies friendships were limited to Disney movies and the Chuck E. Cheese Pizza Time Theater, you'd be wrong.
Sorry guys, watching porn still deosn't make you a love machine.
Outside of ruining the space-time continuum (let's face it, you'd do so purposefully), turns out you're pretty well dooming yourself as well.
Not listed: The Cracked staff can wear its Mad Max gear out on the town and not get weird looks.
Or you could spend three straight months of hurriedly trying to build a pyramid of corpses on a train track in 'Red Dead Redemption' before the train can come along to obliterate them.
Not unlike Clark Kent, babies everywhere have managed to fool the world with their mild-mannered public persona, masking the amazing superpowers nearly all of them possess.
We would probably all be flying to work on rocket motorcycles by now if history's greatest geniuses hadn't spent their entire careers arguing over who had the biggest Bunsen burner.