In a twist of fate so beautiful you want to make passionate love to it on the couch with the blinds open, science is now claiming that the most seemingly innocent things you do (or did) on a daily basis can be just as good for you as a lifetime of exercise and carrot juice.
While most of us do what we can to lead a morally sound existence, some completely unexpected factors can turn us from mild mannered to extremely dickish in no time.
For all my zombie slaughter, I spend an equal amount of time inventing new ways to curse at the game.
Why let animals enjoy a natural buzz, when science is more than willing to step in and take that high to new hilarious, bizarre, kind of mean-spirited heights?
When women claim they're misunderstood, they're not kidding.
These disguises are so weird and utterly convincing, you won't you're looking at real animals until they're right behind you.
There are still
Thanks for nothing, Evolution.
Once again, we coming crashing down on life's stupid mysteries. You're welcome.
We're not talking about being bad at matching faces with names here. Science has found that your memory is basically a pathological liar, making things up as it goes along.
Everything needs to measured: Even things you don't want to touch, smell, look at, think about or even exist on the same physical plane as. Thankfully, that's where Science steps in.
Statistics say about 80 percent of you out there have at least one brother or sister. That's turning out to be hugely important, as science says whether or not you have siblings, and what order you were born in, has massive effects on who you are. Often not so great ones to boot.
The Cracked offices became considerably stinkier after this article made its rounds.