It's no shock to find out that remedies involving magic and ghosts don't really make your pain go away. It would be more of a surprise to learn that they do. Well ... surprise! (Sort of.)
Mother Nature is an evil bitch that wants us dead.
Space is full of mysteries, and you don't have to go far to find them. It's easy to forget that, after mankind went to the moon and found out it was just a boring, dusty ghost town.
Science has some bad news for you: The behaviors of the elderly that you write off as old-person lameness, and your behavior that the elderly credit to dickish rebellion, are all based in biology. And no, you can't stop it.
Everyone knows sausages are awesome. Not everyone knows newspapers can kill you.
You might think of insects as gross or scary, but you probably don't think of them as evil. But, upon closer inspection, we actually think they are.
While we at Cracked like to regularly terrify our readers with tales of all the frightening creatures we share the planet with, we should always keep one thing in mind: Nature is always finding ways to top itself.
There are places even more toxic to joy and life than the YouTube comment section (and the commenters who manage to reproduce there). These life-forms put every human who has ever claimed to be 'extreme' to shame. After all, they manage to survive ...
Sometimes the things that seem deadliest aren't so much deadly as they are inconvenient.
Time travel is probably not going to happen. But that's doesn't mean we can't at least communicate with the distant future. With nothing more than a message to send and a ludicrous amount of funding, there are all sorts of projects to preserve messages for your great-great-(great-great-great...) grandchildren.
Now that they've stopped checking my column for libel before it goes live, let's do another installment of the drug review! Quickly, before they come back!
Evolution is the art of producing the deadliest, meanest, most efficient beasts possible. But it's not a perfect process: There's just a slew of animals rolling fatly around the reject pile, just waiting to be killed and eaten (and if you don't hurry, some of them will even do it themselves).
Even architects, foremen and chief engineers come in to work hungover once in a while, and that's when we get failures like these.
Brockway is on to you, robots.