Cracked Archive - History
The Pioneering 18th Century Chess Robot That Was Just a Dude Hiding in a Box
The ‘Mechanical Turk’ blew minds. It was taken around Europe and America, presented as a sophisticated automaton that could beat almost anyone at chess — including Benjamin Franklin. Crowds flocked to see this technological marvel, a machine that could outwit the strongest of human minds. But it wasn’t nearly as ingenious as it seemed
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- By Mike Rampton
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2 5 Medieval Weapons That Would Make a 21st Century Softboi Shriek
Beheading actually sounds pretty good, comparatively
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- By Eli Yudin
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5 Famous Stories About People From History That Are Really Just Myths
Pics or it didn’t happen
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- By Ryan Menezes
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5 Utter Failures from History’s First Fire Departments
Wait, we thought firefighters were supposed to be heroes?
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- By Ryan Menezes
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The Barbaric 19th Century Surgery with a 300 Percent Mortality Rate
Pioneering surgeon Robert Liston swung a bone-saw with such ferocity that he was allegedly able to kill three men on or around the operating table (such as it was back then) in one fell swoop
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- By Mike Rampton
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Real Conspiracies Behind Four Historic Events
Surprise, surprise — the story of war is almost always the story of government-generated lies and cover-ups
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- By Amanda Mannen
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5 Historical Goths That Would Fit Right in at Hot Topic
They’re probably already responsible for at least one T-shirt in the group
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- By Eli Yudin
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The Father of Astronomy Was Killed by Piss
In 1601, 54-year-old Tycho Brahe attended a banquet in Prague, and despite really needing to use the bathroom, decided to hold it instead. A few days later, he was dead
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- By Mike Rampton
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The Four Worst Jobs You Could Have in the Royal Court
The ‘Groom of the Stool’ might have been work fit for a king, but it mostly included studying his regal bowel movements
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- By Amanda Mannen
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5 Delightfully Cavalier Ways Illegal Drugs Were Dispensed As Medicine
Mmmm, opium tampons
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- By Ryan Menezes
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5 Unquestioned Traditions We Only Have Because of Marketing Campaigns
Cinco de Mayo is a conspiracy to sell more Corona
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- By Ryan Menezes
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5 Obvious Treasures Our Ancestors Considered Worthless
‘What is this platinum stuff? Let’s just throw it away’
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- By Ryan Menezes
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Four Normal Parts of Your House That Originated for Hardcore Reasons
That resplendent lawn of yours once saved the lives of whole kingdoms
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- By Amanda Mannen
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The Man Who Was Killed By His Own Beard
A 16th-century Dutch mayor named Hans Staininger had the most magnificent face full of whiskers the world had ever seen — a hirsute magnificence that ultimately proved to be his undoing
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- By Mike Rampton
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History’s Horniest King
Alfonso XIII of Spain had endless affairs, tons of illegitimate children (in addition to seven with his wife) and a sideline in commissioning pornography for his own private consumption
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- By Mike Rampton
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