Cracked Archive - History

The Inspiring Tale Of America's First Dumb Trashy Millionaire

Even back then a McMansion couldn't buy class.

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5 Historic Figures With Drastically Different Descendants

Sometimes taking your own path goes down some weird roads.

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How A $40 Million Lotto Heist Changed Philosophy History

You don't get into philosophy for the money, but that doesn't mean you can't beat the odds.

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How A Roman Emperor's Enemies Accidentally Turned Them Into A Trans Icon

How is making them extra awesome going to erase them from history?

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The Wild (Incestuous) Story Of The 'Adam and Eve' Of Hamsters

It involves infanticide, cannibalism, incest, and some combinations thereof.

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That Time Tesla Casually Invented The Cattle Prod

Let's go to the circus with Uncle Nikola.

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6 WTF Spy Tech Plans That Somehow Worked

James Bond's Q has been putting in too much work.

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The Nun Who Who Claimed To Taste Jesus's Foreskin

Even her fellow devotees thought she was weird.

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5 Fun Places in America With Screwed-Up Racist Histories

Do you enjoy being told that things are racist? If not, too bad.

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Trans And Non-Conforming Badasses That Never Made It To History Books

Badass doesn't have a gender.

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5 Old And Odd Origins Behind Common Fashions

Sometimes being fashionable wasn't about being frivolous.

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The Battle Of The Golden Spurs Was Belgium's 'Braveheart' Moment

And not just because Mel Gibson can't do a Flemish accent either.

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Joan of Arc's Trusted Bodyguard Turned Out To Be Pedophile Serial Killer

When it came to protecting young bodies, he was 1 - 100.

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4 Noble (Yet Goofy) Attempts To Make The English Language Less Of A Trainwreck

The English language was invented by a collection of hairy men with poorly healed axe wounds to the head.

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