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Cracked Archive - History

The 6 Most Epic Escapes Across Hostile Territory

If you aren't currently living in a country occupied by a hostile army, you can't really imagine what it's like knowing that trying to leave home means getting your head blown off. But when people want out badly enough, they find a way. And those ways are absolutely amazing.

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Abraham Lincoln: Portrait of a Crazy Badass

in honor of President's Day, I am thrilled to provide you with a closer look at one of the great men who served our country as King: Abraham Lincoln. Loved by many, hated by some, shot by one and feared by anyone under 6'4", Abraham Lincoln covered a divided America with a warm, bushy neck beard of protection.

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The 7 Most Unexpectedly Awesome Parties in History

We have it better than our ancestors in every way but one: How raging our parties are.

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The 6 Strangest Ways Anyone Was Ever Mistaken for a God

History has shown that through no fault of your own, you can be revered as some religion's immortal deity. All you need is to be in the right place at the right time.

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6 WWI Fighter Pilots Whose Balls Deserve Their Own Monument

We usually think of fighter pilots as kick ass cowboys of the sky, living out our video game fantasies and handing out bitchin' nicknames all day long. But today's fighter pilots have nothing on the first of their kind -- the ones who appeared in the first world war.

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5 Satirists Attacked by People Who Totally Missed the Point

The satirically-impaired lash out against the artist, often accusing him or her of the very behavior that is being satirized. Isn't that awesome? No. It's kind of a depressing actually, but here are five of my favorite examples where the target just seemed to miss the point.

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6 Presidential Secrets Your History Teacher Didn't Mention

We all have personal failures and weaknesses, but a president will work so hard at crafting a specific public persona that we're shocked every time one gets in a sticky situation. With that in mind, here are some of the stranger facts about American presidents that almost never get mentioned in history class.

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6 Supervillains From History That Make The Joker Look Subtle

Real-life bad guys understand that dry, drawn-out political subterfuge is much cheaper and more effective than a clone army. Then, occasionally, some crackpot leaps straight off the pages into our world, with brazen, insane and often ridiculous plans for world domination that grant him comic book supervillain status.

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6 Real Historic Battles Decided by Divine Intervention

As it turns out, deus ex machina isn't strictly for fictional scenarios.

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Exploring the Internet in 11 Days: An Epic Online Odyssey

I dug deeper, stayed up entire nights, and spilled a warm combination of Dr. Pepper and bravery across my keyboard.

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The 6 Greatest War Heroes Who Got Screwed Out of History

We love us some war heroes. Unfortunately, petty people and circumstances often get in the way of honoring these individuals.

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8 Questions Gentiles Love Asking About Hanukkah

Well, the menorah is out of storage, my refrigerator is stocked with frozen latkes, and there are dreidels festively strewn across my dining room table. Yep, all of that can mean only one thing: IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME!

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5 Famous Scientists Dismissed as Morons in Their Time

There have been brilliant rebels who put their own world-changing ideas on the line, only to end up like Doc Brown in his alternate timeline: humiliated, ridiculed, ignored and/or straight driven to insanity.

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5 Minor Screw-Ups That Created The Modern World

We continue our crusade to convince the world that all of the most important events in history turned on some kind of ridiculous accident.

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5 Real MacGyvers Who Won Battles With Improvised Weapons

If you've ever wondered if you could win a war by using reptiles instead of bullets and using the power of rock 'n' roll, then you're in good company.

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