In some ways, pirates were bizarrely ahead of the societal curve. In fact, some of their viewpoints would be heartily endorsed by the campus newspaper of a liberal arts college.
There are common words that you've probably used thousands of times in your life whose origins lay not in an inspired bard trying to expand the way we communicate, but in some dickholes messing with other people or just plain being nasty.
When mankind first figured out how this mysterious thing called electricity worked, everyone went a little crazy for a while there.
When the time came to tell their rivals to eat shit, they instead turned around and said, 'Sure thing, buddy, let me help you with that.'
If you're going into battle, you've got two wardrobe options: You can dress in something practical -- camouflage, body armor, boring shit like that -- or you can slap on a SpongeBob costume.
If we just hadn't forgotten about all of these lesser-known, yet way crazier versions of huge news stories, maybe we could have avoided some of the tragedy.
Sometimes, instead of being rewarded for finding something, we have our mind groped by the cold sweaty palms of a pervert.
Hooray for Cinco de Mayo, the day America celebrates Mexico's victory over France!
Sometimes karma just decides to take a holiday and leaves us to sort ourselves out.
There were never quick-draw artists who could shoot a six gun out of your hand with another six gun. But the basics were true, right? Well ... not exactly.
There is no shortage of extraordinary tales of human endurance out there just waiting to be made into Oscar-baiting movie scripts.
No matter what metaphor you use to describe the United States' heterogeneous origins, there are nonetheless those facets of American culture that are widely regarded as uniquely (and sacredly) American. Well, guess what? They came from everywhere else.