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Cracked Archive - History

6 Famous Figures You Only Know By Their Insulting Nicknames

If you went to elementary school, odds are at some point you wound up with a nickname you hated. Well, you aren't the only one ...

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6 Mistranslations That Changed The World

In a rapidly shrinking world, it's becoming more and more important to have translations that are both lightning-fast and actually understandable. Of course, nobody told that to these people.

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5 Important People Who Were Screwed Out of History Books

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6 Insane Uses of Animals in Wartime (That Actually Worked)

Animals have been used in warfare for centuries. Sometimes it makes perfect sense -- horses have pulled chariots, and mules have carried equipment. Other times, well, things just get a little weird.

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The 6 Most Childish Things Ever Done in Congress

Sometimes shit gets truly ridiculous in Congress.

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18 Old-Timey Photos You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped

We've worked long and hard here at Cracked to make it clear that the past was badass. All you have to do is sift through old-timey photos, and you quickly realize that people back then possessed neither sanity nor a sense of self-preservation.

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The 6 Most Epic Escapes Across Hostile Territory

If you aren't currently living in a country occupied by a hostile army, you can't really imagine what it's like knowing that trying to leave home means getting your head blown off. But when people want out badly enough, they find a way. And those ways are absolutely amazing.

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Abraham Lincoln: Portrait of a Crazy Badass

in honor of President's Day, I am thrilled to provide you with a closer look at one of the great men who served our country as King: Abraham Lincoln. Loved by many, hated by some, shot by one and feared by anyone under 6'4", Abraham Lincoln covered a divided America with a warm, bushy neck beard of protection.

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The 7 Most Unexpectedly Awesome Parties in History

We have it better than our ancestors in every way but one: How raging our parties are.

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The 6 Strangest Ways Anyone Was Ever Mistaken for a God

History has shown that through no fault of your own, you can be revered as some religion's immortal deity. All you need is to be in the right place at the right time.

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6 WWI Fighter Pilots Whose Balls Deserve Their Own Monument

We usually think of fighter pilots as kick ass cowboys of the sky, living out our video game fantasies and handing out bitchin' nicknames all day long. But today's fighter pilots have nothing on the first of their kind -- the ones who appeared in the first world war.

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5 Satirists Attacked by People Who Totally Missed the Point

The satirically-impaired lash out against the artist, often accusing him or her of the very behavior that is being satirized. Isn't that awesome? No. It's kind of a depressing actually, but here are five of my favorite examples where the target just seemed to miss the point.

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6 Presidential Secrets Your History Teacher Didn't Mention

We all have personal failures and weaknesses, but a president will work so hard at crafting a specific public persona that we're shocked every time one gets in a sticky situation. With that in mind, here are some of the stranger facts about American presidents that almost never get mentioned in history class.

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6 Supervillains From History That Make The Joker Look Subtle

Real-life bad guys understand that dry, drawn-out political subterfuge is much cheaper and more effective than a clone army. Then, occasionally, some crackpot leaps straight off the pages into our world, with brazen, insane and often ridiculous plans for world domination that grant him comic book supervillain status.

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6 Real Historic Battles Decided by Divine Intervention

As it turns out, deus ex machina isn't strictly for fictional scenarios.

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