Cracked Archive - History

6 Terrifying Real Speeches That Were Thankfully Never Given

Just because we didn't hear speeches for when the whole country was going to shit doesn't mean they were never written ...


5 Scientific Advances That Should Have Changed Everything

Sometimes it's bad luck, or shady business dealings, or the fact that the world just plain isn't ready. But one way or another, we've lost world-changing innovations for, in hindsight, ridiculous reasons.


5 Backup Plans That Would Have Changed Modern History

These five plans remained in the back pockets of various world leaders that, had they been used, would have changed the world, and possibly the language this article was written in.


5 Real Murderers More Terrifying Than Any Horror Movie

There is no goofier Hollywood invention than the Flamboyant Killer. Real killers are, of course, much stranger.


5 Real Princesses Too Badass for Disney Movies

History is full of royal women who kicked all kinds of ass. None of them fit for a Disney movie.


5 Rulers Whose Idiot Siblings Nearly Screwed the World

No comedy would be complete without the Wacky Screwup Brother, the Zach Galifianakis in The Hangover-type who is there to throw a wrench in everything with some sort of stupid scheme (also see: Gob Bluth from Arrested Development). It's not so funny in real life.


6 Inspiring Tales of Friendship in the Middle of Brutal Wars

You should probably bookmark this article for the next time you're in a bad mood.


The 5 Most Badass Teams of Famous People To Ever Join Forces

The results of these team-ups were usually insane, if not world-changing.


6 Famous Firsts You Learned in History Class (Are Total BS)

Your whole life you've been taught the importance of coming in first. Whether you're the first to make a great discovery or the first to hit the finish line, it's all a big deal. That's why it's right to point out the phonies.


The 6 Most Badass Families of All-Time

As it turns out, badassery is handed down through the bloodline.


The 5 Most Badass War Heroes Who Never Held a Weapon

The pen, they say, is mightier than the sword. What they neglected to tell you is that, more often than you'd think, quite a few things are mightier than the pen. Things like bagpipes, crosses and sometimes just a really magnetic personality.


The 10 Greatest Uses of Trash Talk in the History of War

History records some badass trash talk that would put Schwarzenegger to shame, some spoken in dire circumstances. Of course, it takes a certain type of badass.


5 Ways the Invention of Pants Shaped the Modern World

What would you say is the single biggest source or symbol of your strength and power as an individual? The answer is easy: just look down. We're talking, of course, about your pants.