Your whole life you've been taught the importance of coming in first. Whether you're the first to make a great discovery or the first to hit the finish line, it's all a big deal. That's why it's right to point out the phonies.
The pen, they say, is mightier than the sword. What they neglected to tell you is that, more often than you'd think, quite a few things are mightier than the pen. Things like bagpipes, crosses and sometimes just a really magnetic personality.
History records some badass trash talk that would put Schwarzenegger to shame, some spoken in dire circumstances. Of course, it takes a certain type of badass.
What would you say is the single biggest source or symbol of your strength and power as an individual? The answer is easy: just look down. We're talking, of course, about your pants.
Sometimes history is written by wishful thinking. When the real event isn't quite inspirational or romantic enough, we just make up a prettier version and call it history.
Between Johnny Depp and numerous sports logos, pirates have become cartoon characters in modern culture. It's easy to forget that the real thing did exist, and that in many cases they were much more badass than the Hollywood version.
If you intend to do any traveling in a time machine, you'd better invest a whole lot of money in costumes. After all, people in the past looked weird. Why the hell did they, for instance, wear giant white wigs everywhere?
Some 'ancient' practices are about as authentic as the ill-fated Chinese tattoo on your arm that the lady swore meant 'pure warrior.'
Just a handful of men can change the world. Particularly if those men are highly trained and heavily armed and possess next to no instincts for self-preservation. These are the soldiers whose job is to fling themselves into impossible situations, against ridiculous odds, where failure means a lot of other people will die.
No matter how far back you go, dick jokes have been the driving force behind mankind's sense of humor. Even ancient figures and civilizations we tend to think of as wise and dignified weren't shy about whipping out some solid boner jokes, even when creating works of art for royalty.
We may never have had 'Darling Nikki' if it hadn't been for some world-changing movements everyone promptly forgot about.
As we never get tired of pointing out, when you combine desperation, perseverance, ingenuity and giant balls, wonderful things happen. This is proven by these tales of men who found themselves in hostile territory with no chance of escape ... and just fucking escaped anyway