Cracked Archive - History

6 Famous Firsts You Learned in History Class (Are Total BS)

Your whole life you've been taught the importance of coming in first. Whether you're the first to make a great discovery or the first to hit the finish line, it's all a big deal. That's why it's right to point out the phonies.


The 6 Most Badass Families of All-Time

As it turns out, badassery is handed down through the bloodline.


The 5 Most Badass War Heroes Who Never Held a Weapon

The pen, they say, is mightier than the sword. What they neglected to tell you is that, more often than you'd think, quite a few things are mightier than the pen. Things like bagpipes, crosses and sometimes just a really magnetic personality.


The 10 Greatest Uses of Trash Talk in the History of War

History records some badass trash talk that would put Schwarzenegger to shame, some spoken in dire circumstances. Of course, it takes a certain type of badass.


5 Ways the Invention of Pants Shaped the Modern World

What would you say is the single biggest source or symbol of your strength and power as an individual? The answer is easy: just look down. We're talking, of course, about your pants.


5 Untrained Civilians Who Took On Armies

Regular people get pushed, and sometimes they push back. Hard.


5 Embarrassing Failures History Class Turned Into Victories

Sometimes history is written by wishful thinking. When the real event isn't quite inspirational or romantic enough, we just make up a prettier version and call it history.


The 7 Most Terrifying Pirates from History

Between Johnny Depp and numerous sports logos, pirates have become cartoon characters in modern culture. It's easy to forget that the real thing did exist, and that in many cases they were much more badass than the Hollywood version.


6 Weird Fashions From History (With Weirder Explanations)

If you intend to do any traveling in a time machine, you'd better invest a whole lot of money in costumes. After all, people in the past looked weird. Why the hell did they, for instance, wear giant white wigs everywhere?


If The Modern World Ran On Medieval Technology

If technologies from the Middle Ages had been as resilient as the skateboard.


7 'Ancient' Forms of Mysticism That Are Recent Inventions

Some 'ancient' practices are about as authentic as the ill-fated Chinese tattoo on your arm that the lady swore meant 'pure warrior.'


The 6 Most Amazing Military Raids of All-Time

Just a handful of men can change the world. Particularly if those men are highly trained and heavily armed and possess next to no instincts for self-preservation. These are the soldiers whose job is to fling themselves into impossible situations, against ridiculous odds, where failure means a lot of other people will die.


8 Filthy Jokes Hidden in Ancient Works of Art

No matter how far back you go, dick jokes have been the driving force behind mankind's sense of humor. Even ancient figures and civilizations we tend to think of as wise and dignified weren't shy about whipping out some solid boner jokes, even when creating works of art for royalty.


5 Forgotten Revolutions That Created The Modern World

We may never have had 'Darling Nikki' if it hadn't been for some world-changing movements everyone promptly forgot about.


6 Impossible Escapes Using Impossibler Methods

As we never get tired of pointing out, when you combine desperation, perseverance, ingenuity and giant balls, wonderful things happen. This is proven by these tales of men who found themselves in hostile territory with no chance of escape ... and just fucking escaped anyway