Ideas are hard, you guys. (At least when you insist on actually coming up with your own.)
Having spent the better part of a decade reading, talking, and writing about presidents, I've come to a conclusion: They are terrifying.
Let's sit back and appreciate the fact that we don't have to experience the utter chaos that are these calendars.
All too often, agents are subject to the same human failings as the rest of us, except in their case, the blunders result in international incidents more embarrassing than your high school yearbook.
Photos of the past, when viewed out of context, are bizarre and/or terrifying. And in many cases, adding the context just makes them worse.
As it turns out, many presidents spent their younger years going on Hollywood-worthy adventures through history, doling out Old West-style justice and opening casino bars in the South Pacific.
We cling to certain well-known tales that help us easily label and categorize our presidents. There's only one problem with these little nuggets of awesome: Not nearly all of them are true.
In every system at every level of society, you're bound to come across at least one group bent on exploiting you with puppy-punching ruthlessness.
Sometimes geography itself becomes the Overlook Hotel of history.
No one pictures their sweet grandma strafing the border with an AK-47 in one hand and a Molotov cocktail in the other, raining down death and destruction as epic as her homemade apple pie. But it does happen.
History books are full of PG-13 violence. Here are the directors' cuts.
If we'd just taken a few minutes to learn some history, none of these stories would have shocked us.
It's actually physically impossible for people in authority positions to admit they're wrong, which is why we get situations like these.
Government is somebody coming up with a plan that sounds great on paper, only to be hilariously thwarted by human nature within minutes of it passing.