Behold, the inebriated shenanigans of a chosen few legendary drinkers, whose stumbling binges squatted in the face of logic, national security, and history, and ripped a wet, beery fart.
Let's make a toast to the golden age of trading B.S. for cash, from before the time when a quick internet search could tell us the difference between a legitimate businessman and a jerk.
Before you start harshly judging contemporary candidates against the dignified leaders of the good old days, you should keep in mind that all presidents were kind of petty.
It turns out the Allies could be just as deranged as the Axis when it came to thinking of ways to win the war, and no one gives them enough credit for that.
It may be hard to tell, but America used to have a problem with discrimination -- which led to a bunch of legitimately impressive people of color getting totally screwed out of their rightful place in the annals of Stuff We Wrote Down.
Apparently there are several religions around the world with hundreds of thousands of followers which we can almost guarantee you know nothing about.
Even the basic stuff we think we understand about international conflict is, at best, mostly wrong.
The 2016 election isn't even close to the dumbest, craziest, most spectacularly corrupt election America has dealt with.
As history has shown us, the greatest ideas have been formulated by maniacal geniuses. And terrible ideas, well, they just come from maniacs.
Time is a jerk and we have the pictures to prove it.
If you've wondered if there are any video game-esque Easter eggs in real life, the answer, of course, is yes.
Still believe the world doesn't have any heroes? Then turn off those 24-hour news channels.
For the truly unlucky among us, our jackass deaths will be cataloged by incredulous historians for all eternity.