The world is not fair.
Like a Kinder Surprise, if the chocolate was horror and the surprise was even more horror.
It’s time to come clean about that unpopular fad you wish would come back.
Look hard enough, and you'll see that cities and towns are still pockmarked with creepy remnants of wars gone by.
There's a limit to our suspension of disbelief in regards to Christmas miracles, and that limit is Nazis.
Twitter is a yawning gyre of GIFs, random maniacs screaming into the endless void in search of a meager morsel of meaning, and dog photos.
Trolling and asshattery are grand and glorious traditions.
History is like a toga-wearing frat boy named Moose who duct-tapes malt liquor bottles to his hands.
Americans love badass cops who throw the rulebook out the window and then shoot it, even though shooting the rulebook is so clearly against the rules.
Spoiler Alert: The monster is actually the person making this shit up.
You might occasionally wonder how all these holiday traditions got started. We'd advise you not to dig too deeply, because you might not like what you find ...
There were never any Satanic daycare centers, no teenager on the planet has ever played the so-called knockout game, and no one actually likes pumpkin spice.