People start getting ready for Christmas three weeks out, and that's if they're procrastinating. People start getting ready for Halloween a few hours before whatever party they're going to. We would humbly submit that this is bullshit. After all ...

Free Candy!? From Strangers!?

When you're a little kid your parents were constantly telling you not to eat candy and not to talk to strangers.

But for one day a year, one day a year, it's totally cool for you to go at night, and run back and forth across your street (only looking both ways when you felt like it) grabbing handfuls of candy from complete and total strangers.

What were they so worried about?

For many children, it's the first time that you learn that your parents are completely full of shit. You learn pretty quickly that the biggest thing you have to worry about is the drunk guy who reaches into a bag of candy corn or circus peanuts and throws a bunch of contaminated dollar store candy into your pillow case.

You Get to Dress Up

Remember all those times you got beat up when you decided to wear your wizard outfit on the walk over to your buddy's house so that you could make a "captivating entrance" to Dungeons and Dragons night? Well now you can dress up like a wizard and not have to worry about getting your ass kicked.

Who's gettin laid tonight? This guy.

All Holiday Movies Suck, Except for the Halloween Ones

Let's face it, Christmas movies are terrible, sure if your imaginations small enough that Vince Vaughn's Fred Clause will entertain you, then hey what the fuck, knock yourself out. But there aren't really any Christmas themed cinema classics save for Miracle on 34th St.

At least it was better than Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, which is an actual movie that exists

So Christmas movies totally blow, Thanksgiving movies are typically awful , Arbor Day movies don't exist (yet), and Easter movies ...

But Halloween movies ... Halloween movies are badass. Even the ones that are made for kids.


But mostly the ones that scare the living shit out of kids ...

Super badass!