Theres a reason Australia is surrounded by nothing but water. God is trying to protect you from the hell trapped within
Just The Facts
- Australia is home to some of the worlds deadliest animals
- All those animals want you dead
When you look at Australia in a travel brochure , it's usually described as a tropical paradise getaway (or some shit like that) but what they don't tell you is the numerous animals that can kill a human in many painful ways. So I'll list just a few of the animals that make Australia Gods torture room.
Crocodiles. These are the things most people think of when they hear 'Australia' and with good reason. These things can grow up to 25ft long and killed an estimated 20 people last year alone.
Crocodiles are ambush predators , they wait for unsuspecting pray (you) to go close enough to the riverbank so it can hurl its body out of the water and grab you in its Jaws armed with razor sharp teeth. And when that motherfucker grabs you, it's game over. Once these things grab you , it goes into what is known as a 'death roll' to tear chunks off flesh off, failing this they will just hold you under water until you drown. Then they eat you.
Not Photoshopped in anyway
And it gets worse (if only that were possible) , Saltwater crocodiles can jump out of the freakin water using its muscular tail , so if your hiding up a tree , its not problem for a 15ft crocodile to take you out.
Deadly Rating : 8
The three most dangerous types of shark are: The Bull Shark , Tiger Shark and the big daddy of them all the Great White. Australia is home to all three.
Tiger Sharks,also know as the garbage cans of the sea because they eat anything with a pulse (and sometimes , even stuff without one). These sharks hunt in the shallows because thats where therir main food sources live.Turtles crabs fish seagulls but , as i mention , tiger sharks will eat literally anything , including a tasty looking human froliking freely in the shallow water. Its called the Tiger Shark because of the tiger-like stripes along it's back.
Bull Sharks are the most aggresive , therefore the most dangerous , shark in the world. More shark attacks are caused by this animal than any other. This is because they live in murky rivers and , seen as how sharks hunt using the <a href=http://www.elasmo-research.org/education/white_shark/electroreception.htm rel="nofollow" >Electro Magnetic fields other creatures give off</a> They mistake a human fishing/swimming for a tasty fish and , well they've already grabbed on, why let go?
"Look at that smug bastard"
And Great Whites , the largest predatory fish in the ocean , commonly reaching lengths of up to 23ft , these animals are basically the perfect hunters , streamline bodies that mean they can swim up to 25mph , Chew through steel and jump out of the water to catch a helpless seal.
These sharks live in one place , the deep ocean. When these sharks attack its usually just a 'test bite' where the shark takes a quick taste of the animal. They do this because , like most sharks , Great whites rely mostly on smell & electo magnetic fields to find pray and their vision isn't the best. So it can easily mistake a human swimming for a seal, well a really big seal.
The problem with this ofcourse is that , well Great white's have huge teeth & a fuck load of them.So one bite to a major organ or artery could mean game over.
Sharks kill around a person a year in Australia , and there are around 12 attacks all year. Probably because the crocodiles beat them too it.
Deadly Rating: 7.5
Just when you thought Australia's waters couldn't get any worse , you run into these brainless killers (literally they have no brain)
The Box Jellyfish is a animal that just floats around in the shallow waters along Australia's beaches, waiting for an ususpecting person to swim by it , then WHABANG , 60+ meter long tenticles wrap around the persons leg injecting several harpoon-like triggers full of venom. The effect? Death witin minutes. Theres No Anti-Venom Available and even if you survive , you'd have to put up with hours of exruciating pain , or a disfuguring scar.
Thats totally a dude.
Deadly Rating: 9
Okay , thats the waters of Australia done , now lets move to the land (Joy). We'll start from the creatures out of a childs nightmare.
Freddy Krueger Spiders.
Australia is , once again , home to the most deadly kinds of spiders on the planet , including :
- The Sydney Funnel Web
- Bird Eating Tarantula (Yes , a spider that eats Fucking birds)
- TrapDoor Spider (A spider that takes after Jigsaw)
And your probably thinking 'No spider is a match for my rolled up newspaper' well thats probably true. But what if you didn't read the newspaper because , i don't know , your allergic to newsprint , and you find one of these spiders in your yard but luckily you have a swimming pool. Bye bye spider! . Or not . Because Australia is so fucked up , the spiders can <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMiZq1vWGAk" rel="nofollow" >Survive under fucking water</a>
So yeah , even water that you own in Australia has something in it that can kill you.
Spiders have a low fatality rate however , since records began only 18 people have been killed by Spider Bites in Australia. Thank fuck for Rolled up Newspapers.
Deadly Rating: 6
Imagine , your out for a nice stroll in the Australian wilderness when you see a colourful and harmless looking bird you go to give it bread like its some kind of huge duck , then suddenly it kicks out and kicks again. and again .You've just been killed by the deadliest bird in the world , The Cassowary.
This Creature is as tall as a human , and has the attitude of a teenage girl on her period when she just got dumped by her boyfriend because he didn't want to go see the new twilight movie.Which is bad.
When an intruder is in its terratory , or its comfronted , or some guy with a riot shield approaches the bird will lash out with a kick.
In my opinion he deserves whatever he gets.
The Reason this kick is so deadly is because , on the end of the birds foot is a 6inch claw , which can easily tear the insides out of a human.
Deadly Rating: 7
God Help Me , Okay Snakes. Australia is home to an estimated 100 venomous snakes , as a matter of fact , Australia is the only place on Earth where there are more Venomous snake species than non-venonmous , Fan-fucking tastic ,
Australia, surprise surprise , also is home to the three most venomous snakes on the planet, these are:
- Coastal Taipan (Most venomous snake)
- King Brown
- Tiger Snake
Yes , Australia is home to the snake with the most potent venom on the planet , roll up the Coastal Taipan , just a drop of venom from this creature is enough to kill 20 fucking people. Thankfully if you do happen to get bitten by a snake in Australia , there are Anti-Venom for most of them. Most .
Deadly Rating: 7
The most leathal creature on Earth
This Creature is undoubtably the most deadly on the planet , it kills over 2million people per year worldwide. There are over 2,000 species and 60% of them pose a threat to humans.
It can only be...The motherfukin Mosquito.
The reason these little bastards are so deadly is because , as you probably know (and if you don't know you'd actually consider Australia for a holiday destination) Mosquitoes feed on human blood, well the female's do , adn when they bite a human , they transmit diseases such as Milerea into the body , which leads to a slow and painful death. And worse . These motherfuckers are everywhere . Theres no escape.
Deadly Rating: 679 (Thats not a type-o)
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into Australias Ocean (Yeah fucking right) you come across the wuss of the animal kingdom , the snail , oh but this isn't any snail because , you know its Australia , No It's the Marble Cone Snail one of the deadliest creatures on the planet. And its a fucking snail.
This creature is responsable for 20 deaths in Recent Years , It would be more but It's a snail.
It Injects venom using a harpoon - like tube which can inject venom through a toe nail ,
Only in Australia can a Snail kill 20 people. Serously , a fucking snail...
Deadly Rating: 5
Last but not least , is the phycodelic looking Blue-Ringed Octopus. Its hangs around in rock pools and , when cornered , will produce several blue rings on its body , which are meant to warn people but lets face it , if you saw it you'd want to pick it up aswell.
Well you wouldn't because , although its only 10cm , it has very potent venom , which there is currently no Anti-Venom for. Death can occur in as little as 2hours.
This creature is responsable for an estimated 23 deaths (at least it beat the snail) the victim is usually a small child rooting around in a rock pool that is attracted to the pretty colours.
Deadly Rating: 7