Some song lyrics are beautiful. Some are funny. Some are just god damned idiotic (I'm looking at YOU, Pink Floyd). It's time they were exposed!

This is the average brain.

This is the brain of Pink Floyd fans.

I really hate Pink Floyd.

Just The Facts

  1. Pink Floyd only appears once on this list, so don't worry.
  2. But, really, besides the Wall, they're a pretty awful band.
  3. Well, maybe Wish You Were Here was alright...
  4. But, still. They wrote a song that was basically a bunch of sirens!

a:49:{i:0;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:68:"100- Another Brick in the Wall; Pink Floyd/99- Just Dance; Lady Gaga";s:4:"text";s:1422:"

Real smart.

We don't need no education;

REALLY, Pink Floyd? Because anyone with an education would understand that it's grammatically incorrect to use double negatives. Only one line in, and you've already disproved your own damn argument.

The left profile of a blond woman lying down. She is wearing a dark blue dress with a big, layered collar. Her right hand touches her forehead. Beneath her left eye is a blue-colored lightning-shaped sticker.

Upset about something?

What?s going on on the floor?
I love this record baby but I can?t see straight anymore
Keep it cool, what?s the name of this club?
I can?t remember but it?s alright, a-alright

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm

I think this sort of situation requires more than merely dancing....

";}i:1;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:95:"98- Hot N Cold; Katy Perry/97- Heartless; Kanye West/Various Shitty Covers made by White People";s:4:"text";s:1912:"

It's a WATERMELON, Miss Perry

You change your mind like a girl changes clothes

Look, I get that your saying that he changes his mind frequently. But if that was true, the lyrics should be:

You change your mind as often as a girl changes clothes

The original lyrics imply that he changes his mind similar to the way girls change clothes. How DO girls change clothes? And how is it similar to changing minds? Please explain.

Please, please explain. By example, if you must.

Bland. Just like the Fray's cover version. Zing!

In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so heartless?

Who is "them?" Who is "He"? Who is "She"? Who is "You"? Quit playing the pronoun game, Kanye/White Guy from American Idol!

";}i:2;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:51:"96- So What?; P!nk/95- Just What I Needed; The Cars";s:4:"text";s:1361:"

So what? I don't know.

So what? I'm still a rock star!

Bzzt. Wrong. You are actually a POP star. It says so on iTunes. If you can't figure out your own damn GENRE, we have another problem other than your man leaving you.

What was he thinking?

Eyes on the road, bitch

I don't mind you coming here
wasting all my time
'Cause when you're standing oh so near
I kinda lose my mind

I think I kind of would mind if someone's very presence made me insane.

";}i:3;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:104:"94- It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine); R.E.M/93- My Best Friend's Girl; The Cars";s:4:"text";s:2922:"

Block text in all capitals spell out "R.E.M" (the band's name) in large black letters against a light background; under the band's name is a horizontal line spanning the width of the cover; under the line are four lines of purple text in a font half the height of the font used for the band's name. The four lines: IT'S THE END/OF THE WORLD/AS WE KNOW IT/(AND I FEEL FINE).


It's the end of the world as we know it

And I feel fine

I do too. You know WHY? Because it's ALWAYS the end of the world as we know it. Think about it; every second a child is born. The world as we knew it didn't have that child in it. And yet we don't notice.

The Somnambulist cover

Most of you didn't know this book existed. And that saddens me.

And even if he's talking about some catastrophic event, why the FUCK do you feel fine? You should be at least mildly concerned.

Nuclear war.... What?

We're on this list TWICE?

Well she's my best friend's girl
She's my best friend's girl
but she used to be mine

And he's still your best friend? Pretty forgiving, dude.

Half-length portrait of younger man with shoulder-length hair and beard, with right hand raised over what appears to be a red flame. The upper background is gold. Around his head is a golden halo containing an equal-armed cross with three arms visible; the arms are decorated with ovals and squares.

You have made Jesus proud.

";}i:4;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:77:"92- Somebody Told Me; The Killers/91- Jesus Stole My Girlfriend; Violent Soho";s:4:"text";s:2248:"

She really wants to be a man.

Heaven ain't close in a place like this

Wait.... Are the places, geographically, that ARE closer to heaven than others? No, there aren't. You know why? Because heaven isn't a physical place. You can't reach it; it's just as close to New York as it is to the Blue Heron Cheese Factory in Tillamook (which, by the by, has a great selection of sandwiches, but that's really neither here nor there). Geez, shouldn't a Mormon know this?

I mean, I get that you could achieve their idea of heaven by playing the game Spore, but still...

I'd make a comment on irreverence, but that'd be pretty hypocritical after the Spore comment. And it MIGHT be reverent. Although I doubt it.

Jesus stole my girlfriend.

Really? Wow, you must be some kind of loser, because Jesus didn't even try. Did she become a nun? Or did you mean Jesus, but pronounced the way Spanish people pronounce it, and you were just an ignorant American who misread the name on the note? If you are, you probably didn't follow that.

Join the club, they've got jackets.

";}i:5;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:68:"90- Dead Man's Party; Oingo Boingo/ 89- Rock and Roll All Nite; Kiss";s:4:"text";s:1535:"


Leave your body and soul at the door

Why the FUCK would we go to a party where we leave our body AND soul at the door? I get leaving your body, it's like a ghost party. Until you tell us to leave our soul! What's going to the party then? Nothing! Is the party at the door? Wouldn't it get crammed with all our bodies? I mean, I guess floating souls don't take space.... But where the hell are we going to put the chips?


A party without Fanta is not a party worth contemplating

What is this?

I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day

What about sleep? On a side note, maybe you could call up Oingo Boingo? They've got some wild parties my friend.

";}i:6;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:47:"88- Viva la Vida; Coldplay/87- Yellow; Coldplay";s:4:"text";s:1752:"

Slightly more original than R.E.M.

I used to rule the world

See sun rise when I gave the word

Ok, I don't believe that the Earth's rotation has much to do with ruling the world. And if it did, how did you only USED to rule the world? You're seemingly omnipotent! How does someone dethrone you?


According to THIS asswipe, it's so easy a child could do it!

I included Coldplay AGAIN!

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah they were all yellow,

Not all stars are yellow. Some are red. Some are orange. Others are blue. Fuchsia stars have been reported, but such claims are unverified.

";}i:7;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:65:"86- Help I'm Alive; Metric/85- I Want You to Want Me; Cheap Trick";s:4:"text";s:1611:"

And the butterfly ties in....

Help I'm Alive

My heart keeps beating like a hammer

Why do you want help if you're alive? Are you in trouble? If so, could you be a bit more specific? How are we supposed to help you if you just tell us you're alive?

Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter in The Silence of the Lambs

"We're looking for a human being...."

"Thanks, Will, you're a big help."


I'll shine up the old brown shoes, put on a brand-new shirt.
I'll get home early from work if you say that you love me.

Umm... If she hasn't said that yet, why are you living together?

";}i:8;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:68:"84- Bullet with Butterfly Wings; Smashing Pumpkins/83-Renegade; Styx";s:4:"text";s:1980:"

Do you see a butterfly HERE, Metric?

Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage

Frankly, I don't see how the mere act of having rage will get you out of a cage. Maybe if you USED that rage. And I'm afraid no amount of rage, used or otherwise, will change your status as rat. I think DNA is a bit more complicated than that.

On the other hand... Great name for an album.

Even when they aren't feeling original, they still kick ass.

Oh momma I'm in fear for my life from the long arm of the law
Lawman has put an end to my running and I'm so far from my home
Oh momma I can hear you a'crying you're so scared and all alone
Hangman is comin' down from the gallows and I don't have very

Do they still hang? No, they don't. Don't worry, Tommy Shaw, you'll get either lethal injection or the chair, depending on what state you're in. Heck, maybe you'll luck out and they give you life! Don't jump to conclusions about hangmen.

";}i:9;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:98:"82- Hold on Tight; Electric Light Orchestra/81-I'm My Own Grandpa; Artist to Obscure to Care About";s:4:"text";s:938:"

Enough with abstracts, be straightforward!

Accroches-toi a ton reve
Accroches-toi a ton reve
Quand tu vois ton bateau partir
Quand tu sents -- ton coeur se briser
Accroches-toi a ton reve.

Pssh. Those aren't WORDS. Stupid ELO.

Somehow this is connected to being your own grandpa....

Not once in this song do they mention traveling back in time and meeting your grandmother. Not ONCE.

";}i:10;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:92:"80- Float On; Modest Mouse; 79- (If You're Wondering If I Want You to) I Want You to; Weezer";s:4:"text";s:1762:"


A fake Jamaican took every last dime with a scam.
It was worth it just to learn some sleight-of-hand.

Really? Was it worth losing LITERALLY every single cent you had just so you could scam people in the future? Doubtful.

It was totally worth it; I learned some great fire starting techniques

The song is about a romance between two people with a foot fetish.

We watched Titanic, and it didn't make us sad

I didn't realize sociopaths were capable of forming a lasting relationship.

Pure love.

";}i:11;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:97:"78- Supermassive Black Hole; Muse/77-The Beginning is the End is the Beginning; Smashing Pumpkins";s:4:"text";s:1971:"

To be fair, a black hole COULD look like this up close.

Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

Supermassive WHAT? Black hole, I'm assuming, but we can't be so sure! Also, aren't the glaciers in a permanent state of melting? Why does it matter that they're also melting in the dead of night?

"Glaciers melting all the fucking time..."

"Sir, that's not the song."

"But it's the TRUTH."

"Well, yes, but why are you-"

"Shut up, I won the fucking Nobel Peace Prize."

2009 was a good year for blue people

Send a heartbeat to
The void that cries through you
Relive the pictures that have come to pass
For now we stand alone
The world is lost and blown
And we are flesh and blood disintegrate
With no more to hate

Really, the whole song's like this.

";}i:12;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:76:"76 Eleanor Rigby; The Beatles/75-Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This); Eurythmics";s:4:"text";s:1532:"

"John, look, the Blue Meanies!"

Look at him working. Darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there
What does he care?

He cares because he doesn't want to wear socks with holes in them! Would YOU? I doubt it. If I see a pair of torn socks, I wouldn't go, "Oh, shit, I'm so lonely." And why would he darn socks with somebody there? That's rude.

Don't mind me, I'm just darning socks.

My mind: Consider it blown.

Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused.

What does masochism have to do with achieving your goals?

";}i:13;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:80:"74- De Doo Doo Doo, De Da Da Da; The Police/73- You Belong With Me; Taylor Swift";s:4:"text";s:1177:"


I don't even need to provide the lyrics. It's right in the title!

Oh, sure, make the BRUNETTE the villain, THAT'S original.

Oh, I remember
You driving to my house
In the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh
When you know you're about to cry

But in the music video you're neighbors.... Why does he have to drive? Also, that's a bit creepy....And I believe we're all in agreement that crying is a good release of emotions. You MAKE HIM BOTTLE THAT UP! You're damaging him psychologically! Dear God, she's right; She IS the perfect girlfriend!

";}i:14;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:71:"72- The Times they Are a-Changin'; Bob Dylan/71- Hot Blooded; Foreigner";s:4:"text";s:1444:"

The resemblance to Cate Blanchett is uncanny.

Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone

Actually, people don't sink like stones. They float. Like pumice. So if you mean they'll sink like pumice, then yes, you got it.

Ooh, a train!

Well I'm hot blooded, check it and see
I got a fever of a hundred and three

As mammals, we're all hot-blooded you fool. Regardless, with a fever of 103.... You're either about to die or you're a gay werewolf.

Either way, nothing good can come of this.

";}i:15;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:72:"70- Drops of Jupiter (Tell Me)/69- Hey, Soul Sister; Both songs by Train";s:4:"text";s:2327:"


Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey, hey, hey

You mean she's back from space. Or Jupiter's atmosphere. Also, you can't have drops of Jupiter in your hair, it's made of gas. That's SCIENCE, Train.

Three quarter length studio photo showing Darwin's characteristic large forehead and bushy eyebrows with deep set eyes, pug nose and mouth set in a determined look. He is bald on top, with dark hair and long side whiskers but no beard or moustache. His jacket is dark, with very wide lapels, and his trousers are a light check pattern. His shirt has an upright wing collar, and his cravat is tucked into his waistcoat which is a light fine checked pattern.

Science is brought to you by Evolution: "Agree with us whole-heartedly or be excluded from the scientific community for DARING to think different."

(Sobs harder)

Hey soul sister, hey there mister, mister
On the radio, stereo

Once again demonstrating their lack of grip with reality, Train has forgotten that they don't play Mister Mister on the radio.

Current Pepsi logo (December 2008-).

Also brought to you by Pepsi.

";}i:16;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:59:"68- Gotta Be Somebody; Nickelback/67-Circus; Britney Spears";s:4:"text";s:1575:"

But you ARE somebody. (You're Nickelback)

Nobody wants to be the last one there

That all depends on where "there" actually is. I'd want to be the last one in a room with a guy who will kill everyone except for the last guy to enter the room.

The torso of a young blond woman. She has a wavy blond hair cut and is wearing a sparkly golden dress. She is looking over her shoulder. Her left hand is resting on her left hip. In the back, there is a shower of sparks. The words "BRITNEY" followed by three yellow stars and "SPEARS" are written in capital red circus-like handwriting. Below "BRITNEY", the word "CIRCUS" is written in smaller capital letters.

Light her hair on fire, light her hair on fire.... What, YOU don't have a mantra?

All the eyes on me in the center of the ring
Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah)

Actually, if all eyes are on YOU, it's more like a peepshow! Zing!

";}i:17;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:51:"66- You Know My Name; Chris Cornell/65- I'll Sue Ya";s:4:"text";s:1475:"

A man stands in front of an out-of-focus sports car. The background is a gradient that goes from red to green. Besides the man is written "Chris Cornell", with "You Know My Name" below it. In the down right corner is the text "As featured in the motion picture CasinO ROyale", with a gun-like "7" below Royale's "O".

This was the song in the movie.

Try to hide your hand, forget how to feel

I don't know if that's really good advice, Mr. Cornell. In case you didn't notice, the ability to feel is important. For instance, feeling pain is a good indicator to stop what you're doing. Besides, if you couldn't feel, how would you have the necessary emotions to hide your hand?

Weird Al would make such an awesome gangster.

I sued Ben Affleck
Aw, do I even need a reason?

Legally, yes.

";}i:18;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:59:"64- Pork and Beans; Weezer/63- How To Save A Life; The Fray";s:4:"text";s:1527:"

A red square with a three-dimensional version of the Weezer logo. The bottom right corner contains the text "Weezer" on top of the text "pork and beans".


I'm gonna do the things that I wanna do

I ain't got a thing to prove to you

I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans

Excuse my manners if I make a scene

Ok, first off, this entire song is about you proving to this person that you can do whatever you want to do. And if you're SO uncaring... why do you want them to excuse your manners?

Get a boat.... Rescue kid. Mission accomplished.

Smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right

Wouldn't eye contact be even more polite?

";}i:19;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:80:"62- I Will Follow You Into the Dark; Death Cab for Cutie/61- Candy Shop; 50 Cent";s:4:"text";s:1593:"


In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

Ok, I'm pretty sure that Catholics don't sacrifice Christians to lions.

They're Catholics, not Separatists

Also, why would you never go back after being given good advice? Seems kind of odd. Just saying.

Where the fuck's the candy?

I'll take you to the candy shop

I'll let you lick a lollipop

I'm perfectly capable of escorting my own damn self to the confectionery store and do not need your permission to consume a lollipop, BITCH.

";}i:20;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:62:"60- The Entertainer; Billy Joel/59- Gangsta's Paradise; Coolio";s:4:"text";s:829:"

He was never very good with original album covers...

So I learned to dance with a hand in my pants

That is LITERALLY impossible. Seriously.

Gangsta's Paradise looks like prison.

It's spelled gangster, Mr. Coolio.

";}i:21;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:78:"58- I Guess That's Why They Call it the Blues; Elton John/57- Resistance; Muse";s:4:"text";s:946:"

Elton John: The Man With Two First Names

(Harmonica Solo)

Unless you're Billy Joel and you're singing Piano Man (or you're Weird Al and singing Ode to a Superhero), you have no right dealing with a harmonica.


Is our secret safe tonight?

Not anymore, asshole.

";}i:22;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:77:"56- The Sounds of Silence; Simon and Garfunkel/55- Crazy Train; Ozzy Osbourne";s:4:"text";s:2142:"

Ha Ha, lack of communication is groovy baby!

Hello darkness, my old friend

Wait a minute; you're friends with DARKNESS? Only the most evil people in the universe are associated with darkness:

Lord Voldemort


I figured it'd be a bit disrespectful to SpongeBob if I compared him to Hitler, so I replaced him with Glenn Beck. Which is still a bit disrespectful.

The 80's wasn't known for its album covers....

Mental wounds not healing
Life's a bitter shame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

Oh, THAT'S what he's saying. Never mind, this makes total sense now.

";}i:23;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:69:"54- Love Story; Taylor Swift/53- Never Gonna Give You Up; Rick Astley";s:4:"text";s:2450:"

Damn you, Taylor Lautner.

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said, marry me Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes

Ok, Miss Swift, but in case you didn't notice, this is NOT what happened in Romeo and Juliet. Maybe you just skipped the whole "death" part, thinking it all turned out well? Which just goes to show kids, if you want to be successful, you just need to be good-looking.

Case in point: Olivia Hussey.

You have to be "talented" to make it in the country music industry, but I'm frankly stretching the use of the word talent when I say that. I mean, it's COUNTRY.

Any industry allowing this man to get famous obviously doesn't require talent as a prerequisite

Seriously, were all the cover designers brain-dead?

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Oh, I see how it is. Yo go to the grocery store and can't bother to say goodbye? Douchebag.

";}i:24;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:75:"52- 21 Guns; Green Day/51- Welcome to the Black Parade; My Chemical Romance";s:4:"text";s:1677:"

Like, totally deep, man.

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?

I would think so; arson isn't too attractive to potential roommates. No one's going to want to bunk with a guy known for burning down his own house. And why do liars look for forgiveness from stones?

Zombie marching bands would be the greatest video game enemies ever.

When I was a young boy,
My father took me into the city
To see a marching band.

He said, "Son when you grow up,
would you be the savior of the broken,
the beaten and the damned?"
He said "Will you defeat them,
your demons, and all the non-believers,
the plans that they have made?"
"Because one day I'll leave you,
A phantom to lead you in the summer,
To join The Black Parade."

What marching band related memories made your father bring this up?

";}i:25;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:82:"50- The Duel of the Fates; London Symphony Orchestra/49- High Enough; Damn Yankees";s:4:"text";s:1695:"

The cover of the one-track promotional release of Duel of the Fates

Get him! Get him!

Khara Matha Khara Rath Amah
Khara Rath Amah Yuddha Khara
Khara Syada Rath Amah Dai Ya
Khara Ki La Dan Ya
Niha Ki La Khara Rath Amah
Syada Ki La Khara Rath Amah
Khara Dan Ya Khara Rath Amah
Khara Dan Ya Khara Rath Amah
Niha Ki La Khara Rath Amah
Syada Ki La Khara Rath Amah
Khara Matha Khara Rath Amah
Khara Dan Ya Khara Rath Amah
Niha Ki La Khara Rath Amah
Syada Ki La Khara Rath Amah
For one thing, this entire section appears in RED for some ungodly reason. Secondly, these are (once again) NOT REAL WORDS!
Damn those Yankees
Don't say goodnight
Say you're gonna stay forever
See #53- Never Gonna Give You Up
";}i:26;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:94:"48- Video Killed the Radio Star; The Buggles/47- Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer; Robert L. May";s:4:"text";s:1722:"

Digging the ties.

They took the credit for your second symphony.
Rewritten by machine and new technology,
and now I understand the problems you can see.

Sorry, but machines can't write music. Only people can do that. Heck, we still can't do that, and this song was written in, what, the Stone Age?

Pictured: The Buggles' first jam session.

You know who ELSE has a red nose? Merry Christmas, Timmy!

But do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?

Gee, if he's the most famous, I'd assume so.

";}i:27;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:70:"46- I Kissed A Girl; Katy Perry/45- Play That Funky Music; Wild Cherry";s:4:"text";s:1261:"

Don't act so surprised.

Hope my boyfriend don't mind it.

I'm more concerned by your atrocious grammar. Really, if you can fix that, I can easily forgive your experimentation. But it's DOESN'T, not DON'T!! Seriously!

Your boyfriend totally won't mind, trust me.

What are these things?

Play that funky music right boy.


";}i:28;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:64:"44- Every Breath You Take; The Police/43- Meet Me on the Equinox";s:4:"text";s:1138:"

The original album cover.

Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you

Uh-huh. I guess that means Bye-Bye to Mr. Eyelids. Otherwise, I don't see how you'll get past blinking, let alone SLEEPING. Seems like a pretty tough job.

Not how I think of the equinox...

Everything ends.

You wrote the song for a movie about IMMORTAL vampires. Idiots.

";}i:29;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:68:"42- Surrender; Cheap Trick/41- We Didn't Start the Fire; Billy Joel;";s:4:"text";s:1436:"

Where's Budokan?

Mother told me, yes, she told me I'd meet girls like you.
She also told me, "Stay away, you'll never know what you'll catch."
Just the other day I heard a soldier falling off some Indonesian junk that's going round.

Really, the entire song is confusing like this.

For Billy Joel albums, this cover is genius.

Rock and Roller cola wars, I can't take it anymore

Really? On a list that includes a Nazi, JFK's assassination and Doris Day, it's the cola wars that drives you over the edge?

Did I mention our Pepsi sponsorship?

";}i:30;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:61:"40- Stray Cat Strut; The Stray Cats/39- Mixed up S.O.B; POTUS";s:4:"text";s:1430:"

A song about stray cats.... called the Stray Cat Strut... by the band the Stray Cats... something's missing from this cover.

Black and orange stray cat sittin' on a fence
Ain't got enough dough to pay the rent
I'm flat broke but I don't care
I strut right by with my tail in the air

What kind of monster would charge a cat rent?

And cats NEVER have money. I mean, why would he care if he's broke? What other alternatives are there? Something tells me this song isn't even really ABOUT cats.

It's gonna pop!

She's a mixed up son of a bitch yeah yeah

She can't be. That's impossible.

";}i:31;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:62:"38- Cigarette; The Smithereens/37-One Day More; Les Miserables";s:4:"text";s:1507:"

What the----

smoked my last cigarette
sat in bed for awhile
thought of your face and that
brought me a smile
wanted another one
fell back asleep instead
woke and found you sitting
there on the bed

And you didn't call the cops?


(Sobs like an infant)

Watch 'em run amuck,
Catch 'em as they fall,
Never know your luck
When there's a free for all,
Here a little `dip'
There a little `touch'
Most of them are goners
So they won't miss much!

Actually, they won't miss anything. They're dead.

The dead rarely miss a thing.

";}i:32;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:60:"36- My Life; Billy Joel/35- My Heart Will Go On; Celine Dion";s:4:"text";s:1299:"

He's so original in his covers....

You can speak your mind
But not on my time

You're the one who's singing a five minute song about how you don't want her to waste your time. Something tells me this was on HER time.... Highly suspect.

Worst. Photopshop. Ever.

Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you
That is how I know you go on

So if I dream of Abraham Lincoln, he's still alive?

Damn you Sandman!

";}i:33;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:77:"34- Your Heart Will Lead you Home; Kenny Loggins/33- Enter Sandman; Metallica";s:4:"text";s:1678:"

I love this movie...

If you feel lost and on your own
And far from home
You're never alone, you know
Just think of your friends

The ones who care
They all will be waiting there with love to share
And your heart will lead you home

But... Tigger's only lost because his friends lied to him, and then impersonated his family instead of telling him the truth. Some home.


Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
We're off to never-never land

You just commanded all the light to exit my room, you creeper! Why on Earth would I take YOUR hand?

A close-up image of a pale skinned man with black hair. He is wearing a black jacket with white designs on it.

And don't think I don't know what Neverland means.

";}i:34;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:72:"32- You May be Right; Billy Joel/31- Master of the House; Les Miserables";s:4:"text";s:1741:"

Two things: Stop making stupid song lyrics, and get more original covers. Holy cow.

You may be right
I may be crazy
But it just might be a lunatic you're looking for
Turn out the light
Don't try to save me

Very few women are looking for a lunatic, unless they're in law enforcement.


Also, if you've just confessed to being "possibly" crazy, why would anyone turn out the light when you're in the same room?

"This looks safe."


(Never smiles again)

Welcome M´sier
Sit yourself down
And meet the bestInnkeeper in town
But you AREN'T the best innkeeper in town. And you've given me a ridiculous font.
";}i:35;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:72:"30- Jai Ho; Pussy Cat Dolls (technically)/29- A Whole New World; Aladdin";s:4:"text";s:1555:"

I officially apologize to Billy Joel.

Jai Ho
Jai Ho
I got (I got) shivers (shivers),
When you touch my face,
I'll make you hot,
Get what you got,
I'll make you wanna say (Jai Ho)

Despite the fact that "Jai" isn't even a real WORD, this song doesn't make sense because why on Earth would you get the Pussycat Dolls to remix an Oscar-winning song?

"Hey, Pink Floyd, you know the song 'Beauty and the Beast'? Boy, have I got a deal for you guys!"

It's a lamp!

Tell me, princess, now when did
You last let your heart decide?

Probably never. But thanks for rubbing it in.

";}i:36;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:80:"28- I Can't Stand Losing You; The Police/27- I Won't Say (I'm In Love); Hercules";s:4:"text";s:2378:"

Wouldn't kicking away a chair have been easier?

But you'll be sorry when I'm dead
And all this guilt will be on your head
I guess you'd call it suicide
But I'm too full to swallow my pride

Really? You "guess" you'd call it suicide? I guess you have some other name for it? Accidental overdose? Or, in Michael Jackson's case, MURDER???!!!

A close-up image of a pale skinned man with black hair. He is wearing a black jacket with white designs on it.

Really, I don't get the appeal he had in his later years.

Behold: Disney's mistake.

At least out loud,
I won't say I'm in love

Well, good. Because, frankly, I don't care.

";}i:37;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:51:"26- Levon; Elton John/25- Magic Works; Jason Buckle";s:4:"text";s:1991:"

In his defense, it is a pretty sad song.

He was born a pauper to a pawn on a Christmas day
When the New York Times said God is dead

Well, yes... Paupers are born to pawns.... And pawns produce paupers. I would think that part was pretty obvious.


Some would disagree, of course...

Also, why would the New York Times report that God was dead?


This song was the best part of the film, sadly enough.

So dance, your final dance.
'Cause this is, your final chance.

So... He'll only dance with Hermione ONCE? Tough break, Ron.


Fact: Voldemort is more effective than sexual education

";}i:38;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:62:"24- Human; The Killers/23- Tonight, Tonight; Smashing Pumpkins";s:4:"text";s:2580:"

See, they show a HUMAN. Take note, Smashing Pumpkins!

Are we human or are we dancer?

Dancers ARE humans, silly.

Wait, where's the title?

Time is never time at all.

I'm a little confused on how that works.

The more you change the less you feel.

Wait, explain that....

And you know youre never sure.
But you're sure you could be right.

Wait, what? That doesn't even remotely make sense.

And the embers never fade in your city by the lake.
The place where you were born.

I wan't born anywhere near a lake, actually.

Believe, believe in me, believe.
Believe in the resolute urgency of now.
And if you believe theres not a chance tonight.
Tonight, so bright.

Did you just lose your train of thought?

We'll crucify the insincere tonight.
We'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonight.
We'll find a way to offer up the night tonight.
The indescribable moments of your life tonight.
The impossible is possible tonight.
Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight.

I'm just going to stop trying to understand the Smashing Pumpkins and enjoy their music.

Screamo fans use a similar technique, except they replace "music" with "shit"

";}i:39;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:73:"22- Leningrad; Billy Joel/21- Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds; The Beatles";s:4:"text";s:1153:"

I take my apology back

We never knew what friends we had
Until we came to Leningrad

How was he not accused of being a Communist?

Friendly bunch.

Picture yourself in a boat on a river,
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
Cellophane flowers of yellow and green,
Towering over your head.
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes,
And she's gone.
I could make a comment, but really, at this point there's no need.
";}i:40;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:62:"20- The River of Dreams; Billy Joel/19- Pon de Replay; Rihanna";s:4:"text";s:966:"

Whoa, album art!

I know I'm searching for something
Something so undefined
That it can only be seen
By the eyes of the blind

How can it be seen by the eyes of the blind? That's literally impossible.

No comment.

Come Mr. DJ song pon de replay

I believe I've voiced my opinion on fake words.

";}i:41;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:61:"18- Wheel in the Sky; Journey/17- The Real Slim Shady; Eminem";s:4:"text";s:1056:"

Far out, man.

Ooh, the wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'


I thought this was a rap song, what's a white guy doing on the cover? Is this cool now?

Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Actually, you're Eminem.

";}i:42;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:75:"16- Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)/15-You're Gonna Go Far, Kid; The Offspring";s:4:"text";s:1823:"

Not at all fly, Offspring.

Uno dos tres cuatro cinco cinco se���­s

The only words are "Uno" and "Cinco". This still doesn't make sense. Uno's a card game, and card games certainly aren't fly. Certainly not ones with Spider-Man versions.

Ummm.... Spider sense, show me all your cards!!

Also, "cinco" isn't a word unless immediately followed by "de Mayo."

On a related note, why do white people think we can be fly? We can't, men. It's just not going to happen.

He's just as fly as the Offspring.

Creepy eagle.

Show me how to lie
You're getting better all the time

If they teach you, how can you be sure that you've been taught correctly?

";}i:43;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:62:"14- Nothing Town/13-Kristy, Are You Doing Okay?; The Offspring";s:4:"text";s:991:"

Four Offspring songs in a row? Creepy...

Let's make this complicated
Thinking is overrated

How do you plan to achieve complication without thinking?


Kristy, are you doing okay?

Doubtful. Probably traumatized, if anything.

";}i:44;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:59:"12-7: Everything Ever Written By Pink Floyd (Ok, so I lied)";s:4:"text";s:418:"

But really, this entire article could've been "Pink Floyd lyrics that were inspired by drugs." I just didn't do that because there wasn't enough space for all their songs. Zing!

";}i:45;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:82:"6- I Gotta Feeling; The Black-Eyed Peas/5- Movin' Out (Anthony's Song); Billy Joel";s:4:"text";s:1565:"

Feelings are clearly different from ideas, as illustrated by this unlit light bulb.

I Gotta Feeling.

Wrong. You GOT A feeling. Or, more correctly, you HAVE a feeling. Or you HAVE GOT A feeling. Gotta isn't even a word, technically speaking, and is used to describe verbs one has to do, not nouns. God,, just because you were in "Wolverine" doesn't mean you can ignore the rules of grammar.

It's bad enough they ruined the origin of Cyclops.

Then again, there's always the music video.

Alternative subject: "Unoriginal Billy Joel album covers

A heart attackackackackackack

There's only one "ack" in heart attack, Mr. Joel.

";}i:46;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:103:"4- Don't Go Breaking my Heart; Elton John and Kiki Dee/3- November was White, December Was Gray; Say Hi";s:4:"text";s:882:"


Don't go breaking my heart
I couldn't if I tried

Wanna bet? I bet if you really, really, tried, you totally could.


I'll feel better when the winter's gone

So will everyone.

";}i:47;a:2:{s:5:"title";s:72:"2- Baby; Justin Bieber/1- Flightless Bird, American Mouth; Iron and Wine";s:4:"text";s:1797:"


This song is dumb because; a) Justin Bieber is famous and, b) The ludicrous fact that Ludacris is in this song.

A pale young man fills the top left of the poster, standing over a brown-haired young woman on the right, with the word "twilight" on the lower right.

They played the song in the prom scene...

I was a quick wit boy
Diving too deep for coins
All of your street light eyes
Wide on my plastic toys
Then when the cops closed the fair
I cut my long baby hair
Stole me a dog-eared map
And called for you everywhere

Have I found you, Flightless Bird;
Jealous, weeping?
Or lost you, American Mouth;
Big Pill, looming?

Now I'm a fat house cat
Nursing my sore, blunt tongue
Watching the warm poison rats
Crawl through the wide fence cracks
Pissing on magazine photos
Those fishing lures thrown in the cold and clean
Blood of Christ mountain stream

Have I found you?, Flightless Bird;
Grounded, bleeding?
Or lost you, American Mouth;
Big Pill, stuck going down

In other words, THE WHOLE DAMN SONG!


I'd like to thank all those who read the entire article. I encourage you to listen to all these songs (except for 12-7) and determine for yourself if they're stupid or not. I look forward to the arguments in the comment section between the two people who actually the entire stupid article! Enjoy!

Sponsored by: Scarlett Johansson. Because if you actually read the whole thing, you need something to take your mind off the fact that you've wasted a whole lot of time.

Also by Pepsi