Ever catch your girlfriend cheating on you? Did someone take your last beer without asking? Well just have a seat and take a look at this amazing guide to,.. ‘um’, well get rid of your so-called problem whatever it may be.

Not so hard to get.

even if its not your killing tool, shit is gonna get REAL BLOODY.

you cant tell but hes looking right at you.

Just The Facts

  1. Killing someone is so much easier then it sounds.
  2. Getting away is allot harder then it sounds.
  3. Just ask Hillary Clinton. Maybe she could give you some pointers.

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Well first off lets go through your plan. A-know enter and exit points of wherever this is going down, Also you should know how many people and if possible who comes into contact with your "target."B-Examine the surrounding area and check for any variable differences. C-make a scenario for each variable you can think of. Then practice that scenario as much as you can. D- Know your equipment, Having the right tools for the right job can mean everything. Example- If jimmy was in a crowded public place like say, a mall. Would you A-Follow him until he goes into the bathroom. Then gut him with a blade. B-Wait for him in the parking lot and do a point blank headshot with your new homemade silencer. Or C-Follow him into the parking lot and back to his house where he may be completely alone or in a false sense of security, and then do both. Its all about patience, planning and having the right tools at your disposal.

So you did it, there dead and no one saw or heard anything. Now unless your in a deserted neck of the woods you'll have to deal with the body. Depending on how you ended the beer guzzling asshole's life. (I mean your victim.) You'll have a mess that must be cleaned up. Now if your outdoors its allot easier because you can simply cut a happy face on there under jaw from ear to ear, to let out most of the blood.(make shure to hang them upside down). Then pull out our good ol'friend mr.Choppy and let him have some fun! After Choppy gets done severing the head from the torso have him do the limbs also. Make shure to keep everything nice and organized in trash bags so you don't get cluttered up with body parts. Another thing worth noting is that small animals like dogs or cats will want the tasty delicious flesh inside so its best to use multiple trash bags and coat each bag with pepper spray, it will not only keep animals away but also mask the smell.


Finally, the most crucial thing next to the murder itself is where to put that bag of body parts. Its usually a good idea to bury or burn the dead, If you plan on burying your chum then make shure to have a big bag of lime to dump on them before you cover them up. The lime will help them naturally decompose. Make it a point to bury them at least 5 feet so any curious dogs don't catch the scent. Now all that you need to do is maintain a solid alibi so your not considered a suspect. Even if they do consider you a suspect all you have to do is keep cool, collective and stay drunk. Don't do anything out of the ordinary. And there you go, I did this for all you cracked readers BECAUSE I NEED SOME FUCKIN MONEY, SO PLEASE KEEP ME FROM KILLING SOMEONE AND READ MY FUCKIN ARTICLE!!