Motorcycles are an early form of Terminator, designed to infiltrate human society and pick off aggressive males before they become resistance fighters. They're very good at what they do.

Just The Facts

  1. A motorbike is the bare minimum number of parts required for an engine to reach lethal velocities.
  2. As opposed to regular vehicles, motorbikes use the rider to protect themselves.
  3. Donorcycles were invented by an aging industrialist to ensure a constant supply of replacement organs. He got all he'd ever need within a year and continues to sell them simply because it's funny.

Motorcycle Safety

The safest thing you can do with one is give it to your mortal enemy. The second sentence is normally where'd we make a joke about dicks or sexual inadequacy, but there's absolutely nothing phallic about buying a big, throbbing danger-machine and holding it between your legs. (And even if you have nothing to compensate about, after a few months of shaking and baking your crotch, you will).


The average insurance premium for a young male motorcycler is a fair fraction of the total insured amount, or perhaps the GDP of a small country. This is because the biker is not expected to survive long enough to make a second payment, as a motorbike is basically a conversion kit for turning an insecure asshole into an extremely unguided missile.