Cats: Winning the evolutionary race by convincing the people in the lead to carry them. Cats are MUCH smarter than people think.

Honestly, it could give less of a shit, and then bury it.

Cats' Control of Humanity

Cat behaviour is designed to exert complete control over humanity by becoming a parody of it: they only want to eat, sleep, and have sex, and get it all by being cute, wearing extremely expensive* clothes and pretending to be nice. It's like they have access to some record of all the worst and shallowest aspects of our species.

*You try buying a cat-fur coat.

Perceived Cat Behaviour

Cats have perfected a technique the envy of married men worldwide - convincing the other person to provide both sides of the interaction all by themselves. Millions of people attribute all manner of emotions, preferences and personality quirks to what are basically small piles of digestive tract in a mammal-hair bag.


Both cats and the internet reduce human intelligence. Together they shut down the entire brain.