Modifying your car: the big boy version of decorating your Trapper Keeper.

Just The Facts

  1. Modified cars are like pornstars: way more spent on appearance than anything useful and they're screwed very quickly.
  2. Boy racers think the ability to drive comes preinstalled into their testicles like the urge to masturbate, but they're far better at the latter (and because of the car likely to remain so).
  3. Modifiers value looks over function, which is odd for people who look like that.
  4. These are people who not only enjoy Fast & Furious but spend money to be more like it, delivering a more damning indictment of capitalism than Marx ever managed.

The "Ricer Ratio"

The cost of the add-ons divided by the worth of the actual car. Usually pumped up by thousand-dollar rims connected to an engine outperformed by the average pram; spoilers which wouldn't work if the car was bolted to an F-5 falling off a cliff; and less regard for maintenance than James Bond in an enemy tank.

Boy Racer vs. Tuner

Some people genuinely improve their automobiles with intelligent upgrades and precision tuning. The division between idiot boy racers and intelligent tuners is "Did you buy rims?"

Another excellent question is "Do you need to modify your car?" There's an easy way to tell: ask your pit crew. If they say no, the answer is "No." If they don't exist the answer is "Of course not, dumbass."

The Exhaust Thing

Yes, it's unoriginal, but no, it's not a joke. if you have ever done anything to the exhaust or muffler to make your engine sound bigger, then you have an insignificant penis in terms of both scale and effect. Yours is the Will Ferrell of genitals: only good for making people laugh, and even then, only for short periods. And the stuff you've been doing recently is terrible.