The iPhone: because marketing trumps engineering or common sense.

Future versions will do this automatically!

Just The Facts

  1. Just a goddamn phone.
  2. The iPhone was introduced in the United States on June 29, 2007.
  3. Sold 25 units per second over the opening weekend.
  4. The iPhone 3G was introduced on July 11, 2008, making the original iPhone obsolete four times faster than the NES.
  5. 3+4 means Apple effectively delivered ninety-thousand "FU"s per hour to early adopters.

Cracked on iPhone

The first iPhone was more eagerly anticipated than Jesus Christ returning with an eighth Harry Potter novel.  Apple obsessives camped out for days to buy a product that would be readily available in every store, and every single person on Earth made fun of them.  Including Apple, who slashed the price within weeks and made the whole product obsolete within a year.  Imagine Leanord Nimoy arriving unannounced at a Star Trek convention and starting a "Who's bagged the most cheerleaders?" competition.

THE WORLD must know of my struggle!

Apple's App store recently reached one billion downloads, providing one app per six people on Earth, or fifty apps per annoying iPhone owner saying "You gotta see what my phone can do!".  This integrated system provides a revolutionary way to convince people to spend money on fake lighters, "iBeer", and flash crap which would embarrass a Nicktoons website.