Never let Dr. Seuss design a stripper pole.

Previously on LOST...

Behold, the Earth's first pubic hair!

Here lies Salvador Dali.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints. Other times there were one set of footprints. And then sometimes there was a giant bronze sperm monster. Well played, Lord.

If you're on LSD, this looks absolutely straight.

Ironically, this is on a Brazilian beach.

That's totally Photoshopped. No one REALLY has a red camera.

Even black sperm is bigger.

Excuse me, you haven't seen a giant ovum around here, have you?

Beaches get so awkward when they begin puberty

Jack was saddened he didn't make it home with the magic beans.

And on the 8th day, the Lord installed a pull-and-speak cord on the Earth, and He was pleased by it.

I call it... "Sperm".

"Ah, Luke Skywalker! Now you see that your childhood teatherball is Frozen in Carbonite!! MUAHAHA!!"