This is what happens when you let David Lynch direct a Pringles commercial

Just off camera: Manny Ramirez masterbating furiously.

Teddy Roosevelt found himself in a version of hell that he could barely even begin to comprehend.

Take me out to the ball game, Take me out with the crowds; Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack, I don't care if the mascots on crack!

After being hit by a sniper bullet, the mascot goes down with dignity, managing one last Funky Chicken.

Just like Craptions, something stupid will come out of nowhere and win in the end.

Just think those asses in back are getting paid to watch this.

It is incredibly easy to audition for a porno.

Unfortunately, Teddy left his big stick home that day.

"That's what you get for calling my mom a bitch!!!"

This is an extremely rare shot..... not one of the baseball players in the background is scratching his balls!

Coming June 2009 CUJO....X By Michael bay

Dear America, We've had a good run, but we're out of ideas. Sorry, Porn

After Michael Vick's public arrest for dog fighting, professional athletes were forced to try "alternative" blood sports.

"Rule Number One: You do not talk about Mascot Fight Club." "Rule Number Two: You do not talk abo--" "Ralph, we're being broadcast nationally." "Shit."