"Our next eligible bachelor is 3'6", 84 lbs,, works in the aerospace industry, enjoys romantic, candlelit dinners, and gives a mean anal probe. What do I hear as an opening bid, ladies?"

Wow, the Dixie chicks have really let themselves go.

The Roswell incident is officially over;the fat lady is singing.

And the winner of the most unusual adoption goes to Diane Keaton.

The worst part is that out of the three people pictured I'd bang the alien.

"so I just flew in from LA... in my FLYING SAUCER! Seriously though what's the deal with crop circles?? funny looking circles...they should be called "Crop-what-the-hell-is-that anyway!"

Someone had told Alice it was bring-your-alien-to-work day, but it was clearly dress up-like-a-viking-bitch-and-sing-karaoke day. Shit!

Ok X-Files, I don't want to believe anymore.

Finally a real Miss Universe competition.

This is shaping up to be the wildest paternity suit ever.

Thanks E.t.-Harmony!

SILENCE....I abduct you!!

18th place? Are you serious? It took me almost a year to make this human puppet and you give me 18th fucking place? Fuck you assholes, now I'm gonna personally see to it that the world does end on 2012.

Just think, there's at least 17 more where this came from.

Janice's bid for the Miss America title was marred by two things: Her re-enactment of the Roswell incident in the talent competition, and the fact that she was butt ugly.