Ted cheats at thumb wrestling.

When I play Pop Goes the Weasel, I fucking PLAY Pop Goes the Weasel

It's not the size of the monkey... it's the ability of said monkey to sneak up an a victims pant leg and rip off a testicle.

"It's like a cross between a monkey and a mouse, usually we call it a mo-nkey, or a mo-use."

Ugliest. Pez dispenser. Ever.

"He's a real sweetie when he isn't hungry for souls."

"Die! What?! Damn! Wrong holster"

While it is well established that monkies throw shit, it is a little-known irony that shitheads throw monkeys.

WHAT did you say about my Mother?!?! Hold me back Jimmy....hold me back.

If too much masturbation leads to hairy palms, what the fuck has this guy been doing in his spare time?

Upon reaching the highest Operating Thetan level, the true mastermind behind the Church of Scientology is revealed to you.

Ken thought buying a talking monkey was a great idea, till he found out it was a Holocaust denier.

King Kong thought he was the shit until he encountered enourmo-man.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you marmosets, see pg.32 of the redneck cookbook.

"this is fluffy, he is the destroyer of worlds"