"Are you sure this is the easiest way to measure the rink?" "Yes. Go get more bears."

As they stepped out onto the ice, the team was distraught to notice a large crane mechanism hovering toward them from above...

"No! Stupid genie! I said 1,000 BEERS on ice!"

And thus, the bloodiest war Sergeant Snuggles had ever fought in ended in defeat.

Your girlfriend's a bit clingy - isn't she.

Thanks to the delivery mix-up, there are now also 8,000,000 cases of Molson Canadian beer sitting on Toys-R-Us shelves all across America.

Ground Zero at Santa's Crash Landing.

Some anonymous felons threw several hockey players onto the ice during the 4th annual Frozen Bear Clusterfuck.

The gang war between the NHL and the Ice Capades ended predictably.

Nightmare on Sesame Street

One rule change they said...one change!

John never worked in an NHL Marketing Department again after the "We can BEARly wait for the playoffs!" giveaway night debacle.

"GODDAMMIT! It's hard enough to prove hockey isn't gay without this shit happening."

Everyone knows the hat trick tradition. Only true hockey fans know what to do if someone wrists an infant in past the goalie.

If this won't get kids interested in sports, nothing will.