When you lock your keys inside your apartment your quadriplegic friend isn't always the best one to call for a boost through the window.

Anything that isn't a dead body is hot lava!

99...100.. READY OR NOT HERE I COME!

It just wasn't any fun playing hide-and-go-seek with "Joe the Retard"

Its times like this I wish I hadn't killed you.

As he approached Julie from behind the bush, Jim knew he was stealthy. But when he saw how close Doug had managed to get, he knew he had been out-matched.

The date wasn't going well. Phil's "human alphabet" wasn't as much fun as Jenny had hoped.

Chelsea composed herself. All she had to do was say Barack Obama had robbed them and started stabbing and she would be in the clear.

Patsy was tired of her dates faking death to get rid of her. He'd have to breathe sometime, and when he did, she'd know it!

When CPR goes horribly, horribly wrong.

And even then, she was still unable to reach the top of the window.

Unfortunately, the sport of urban-human-surfing has not caught on.

crazy glue... works

After years of having sex with his backpack and wishing it was a real girl, his wish was suddenly granted that night.

Jessie was tired of the random hobo talking about her boobs, and she had to know who was accepted into the second round of American Idol. Luck was favoring her this day.