Hold my hand and act natural. They can smell fear.

"Seriously, the next time I see Calvin, I am going to shoot him in the f***ing head."

Officials conducting a controlled test described the implications of nuclear winter as "extremely hilarious".

Illegal immigration had been bad enough before it started coming from Canada.

"At least they're not trying to rape us, like last time."

There was no use in challenging the desegregation laws; the snowmen stared silently at the first two humans to ever enter their school.

TV producers Rankin-Bass debut their new holiday/zombie special "28 days after christmas"

"I KNOW it's a different culture! And I STILL think it's awful the way they stigmatize the retarded ones with those buckets!...Oh, LET them hear me!!"

Sadly, the silent plight of this nations homeless snowman epidemic is being ignored.

So. This is the future. Take that Al Gore! This is freakin' awesome!

When you build a snowman its soul becomes your slave in the afterlife.

The Christmas magic ended the day Bloomingdales handed out free heaters.

Okay, now The Planet of the Apes sequels are just getting ridiculous.

Alfred Hitchcock's less successful "The Snowmen"

The snowmen clammored...which one would be the lucky yellow one this year?