Cracked unveils its revolutionary "Dick Joke Machine"

Dave liked to hide behind the machine and moan as people reached for their sodas.

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: penis.

After inserting the money and buying the item, Bob couldn't decide whether or not he should reach in and get it.

You should see the back of the machine...

"Damn you, Superman!" shouted Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry. "I will break free from this prison!"

One day our grandchildren will look back and be amazed at how primitive sex robots used to be.

Cock-a-Cola

After years of imprisonment with no hope of release, General Zod decides to learn a musical instrument.

Hasslehofmania in Germany peaked with the "Grab my crotch for a quarter" machines.

It has long been suspected that Red Bull is just canned piss.

Margaret didn't know why the sperm bank would need an ATM in the first place, but this was ridiculous

Dude... In Japan, you can get anything out of a machine!!!

"Ya see? It's Guitar Hero, but in a CAN!"

Brett Michaels new line of mobile glory holes, cumming to a reststop near you.