"This is the worst party ever, I thought we'd be eating off naked WHORES!!"

As bad an idea as this was, it was better than using a plate as an oar like they had for the last 10 years.

Long-distance food fights was an intergral part of the Chinese army's training. Private Tuong carefully loaded his weapon.

Pvt. Chang and his paddle had been up shit creek before, but never shit and RICE creek...

The miniature Chinese Military struggled with the new giant chopsticks.

"Elbow up, back straight; they can't take my dignity," thought Xin.

Having never heard of the "wait 30 minutes before swimming rule" the marine invasion was doomed to failure before it even began.

Chicken oar fish sir?

"Eating off your own paddle, you better believe that's a paddlin'"

Dammit, I wanted a full orifice, not a full oar of rice!

grumble... grumble..... muble "it's not just a job, it's an adventure my @ss".. grumble..grumble

"ok, i'm good with the calamOREi, but what the fuck kind of pun can I make out of rice?!? Boy, Long John Silver's menu camp sure is intense! I wonder if the other guys are having as much trouble as me. Fuck it, gotta stay focused. Rice...ore...hm

"Did everyone wash their hands?"

"It put the food on its skin or it get the oar up the ass again"

"Ugh! There's some dirt in my food!"