Some bamboo and a knife? You can trade Asian children for next to nothing these days!

The Japanese children's "Dress Like White Culture" contest was a success, with Mozart coming in first, a shish-kebab coming in second, and Little Red Riding Hood in a distant third.

Visual recipe: 1. Slice the bamboo thinly. 2. Tie the strips into a bundle. 3. Put the bundle in the trash can. 4. Go buy some actual food at a grocery store. 5. Fry to a desired state of doneness.

Being taught to eat healthy has never before been this sexually appealing.

The Nippon Ham Fighters prepare for battle.

She clicked her ruby red slippers, and said "There's no prace rike home." But just ended up looking more stupid.

Here we see exactly how much Angelina has to give in trade for each third world adoption.

Yessss! I got the wig.

The jap-fro-asian community remembers the dark days for bamboo harvesting.

The girl holding up the placard for Round 6 made me feel even more uncomfortable.

The Cracked.com community waited with bated breath. Who would be the register member of the site who could turn this craption into some Lord Of The Rings reference?

In order to win the costume contest, each child had to include pictures of every material that went into it as well as how many minutes the parents spent designing the piece of shit.

Man, the Communist Party will go after any age these days.

Do you see it now? Do you see how your greed affects the world? Of course not, you're all too distracted by these goddamn hats.

If this is what you get for the Twelve Days of Christmas in Japan, then the holidays must really suck over there.