"Of course the rocket isn't following me," Petrov reassured himself, "that would be silly."

Following a truth in advertising lawsuit, the newest nerf weapons are exactly as extreme as they say they are.

Russia decides to purchase their new train engines from the ACME corporation.

"Yes Sir. Directly at Dane Cook, Sir."

With his new tricked-out ride, no one would ever accuse Yuri of having a small penis again.

The debate on who was going to light the fuse continued.

"Well, what does it do?"
"It allows us to trade music for free."
"We already have that."
"Yes, but when RIAA comes for this one, we have a little surprise for them."

...and the fact that your guns say "replica" across the side of 'em... and the fact that my gun says "ICBM no. 114" across the side of it... should precipitate your balls into shrinkin'.

The Russians' plan to impregnate the Moon was underway.

Vlads barbeques never left anything to chance

Gustav took a moment to consider things. He decided it was the most festively decorated rocket train he had ever seen.

Victor is constantly haunted by the visage of nuclear annihilation, and not the way hippies are.

Santa's new sleigh substitutes JP-12 rocket engines for reindeer, allowing him to both deliver toys to all the good children and independently targeted warheads to all the commie children.

By starving their population for months, the Russian government produced enough money to create the worlds fastest train.

whered the second go