"Decades of experience has taught me this - NOTHING beats rock... NOTHING!"

I am no hero, anyone would have done what i did, stealing medals of dead comrades.

And this medal right here; its from your mother...for last night...

"Actually guys, I'm just a janitor. These? They're filled with delicious milk chocolate."

Needing a cheap tour guide, the Museum of the German Nation saw only one option: Unfreeze Kaiser Wilhelm.

Out of all his war medals, Joe's favorite was by far his backstage pass to that 1977 KISS Concert.

In Germany, the common punishment for daydreaming is being punched by Old Man Gutenbergher.

and that is how I became the one true pokemon master

"Breaking in" unsuspecting young sailor boys was only one of the perks of being the top dog in the Russian navy. Others included captaining warships while piss drunk, and torpedoing fishing boats.

Lost in the good old days, Demitri keep bragging how he had more metals than Stalin and he was better in bed than Putin.

I could out breakdance all of you fuckers

"...baby's arm holdin' an apple! Know what I'm sayin?... So who's first? I've got yer merit badges right here!"

I saw Hitlers penis!

Ivan loved recounting the story surronding his triumphant medal for most medals on a jacket. No one else gave a Fuck.

See your Uncle Jim behind me, kids? He has no arms and no legs. And that's why you don't touch grandpa's medals.