"...And to demonstrate his utter loyalty to America's first totalitarian regime; on my command, Colonel Jones will now stick a knitting needle all the way through his hand."

The Army felt that since only 2 members of the Fantastic Four were coming to the awards they would only need half a Four.

Science Corner: Lasers fired from a married couple can only be deflected by Marines.

Conductor: OK this time play it with some feeling.
Soldiers: Sir, these are guns.
Conductor: I said play GODAMNIT!

'Pong' in High Definition

Bob finally had to give up and admit it: he had no idea where he had parked the car.

You know you've made it when you get a red carpet execution.

The Golden Globes/USO show combination turned out to be a disaster; only 90 feet of red carpet could be afforded, and only Al Gore and Martha Stewart showed up.

Ok, ready.......aim.....

Ladies and gentlemen, the world's first post-modern film premiere

You'll notice this communist propaganda on your Kellogg's cereal box if you look *really* closely.

NASA's new FlatRockets allowed astronauts to travel to space and back...all without even sitting down.

French fair fight

They thought that they may as well use the spare red carpet, so they laid it along the scenic route

So you see, when two lines intersect, this means they are NOT parallel. Now what do you suppose it means when two TIMELINES intersect?