In the Who Can Correctly Hang A Sign Around Their Neck Competition, there was one clear winner.

You sure they can't see me? Okay... it was number 10. Yeah, I'd recognize that beard anywhere.

Bachelor auctions in Whoville.

...wait till you see the pubic hair.

Next to fight, Eustace flexes his beard and steps into the ring.

Jean confidently picks out the man who tentacle raped her.

James smiled at the final results, no one would doubt the size of his penis again. Meanwhile, the crowd suddenly realized why the man in blue was sad.

"And that, son, is where pretzels come from."

Despite his cunning disguise, Col. Sanders was easily picked out of the line-up and PETA soon had their revenge.

Steve was pissed. Had he remembered to wear his number, he could have won the contest easily.

...and winner for best mustache ride...

The slave trade for coocky old men is alive and well

The backstreet boys finally hit puberty, and they wanted the world to know it.

Lyle always got picked first at the Retarded Assholes Sex Slave Auction (which did nothing to improve Krapdorf the Prussian's inferiority complex)...

No.10: "Where am I? What's going on?...Why are there so many other bearded freaks like me here?"