"...and that's how masturbation makes you go blind."

While simple itching powder was enough for most pranksters, Frank's buddies yearned for a reaction that only burning magnesium would warrant.

It was right then Jim knew he had caught something from that angel he met in the truck stop bathroom.

Orcs!

After years of polishing...

..for there can be no greater sign of nobility in a gentleman, than when his groin shines as the very sun itself.

With my +4 wand, I unleash Burst of White Magic!

Light at the end of the tunnel isn't necessarily a good thing.

the sign said 'no pictures'
so sam took a dicture.

Another highly satisfied customer with his newly purchased PWOT Crotch Light.
[Also available for horses]

"Where the sun don't shine, you say? I, for one, disagree!"

Until that moment, everyone doubted Ted's claims that his penis was "heavenly."

The world's first penile eclipse.

Luckily, everyone knew not to stare directly into it.

Who is ready for some sexual healing?

...and by the time Peter had finished sucking the vortex back into his pants, no-one cared anymore.