Unbeknownst to many, under provision 4873 of the Patriot Act, it is required for Congress, in the case of a tie vote, to re-enact the battle of Helm's Deep.

"Mr. President, I don't think this plan of yours will work."
"And why's that?"
"Well first of all, it's impossible to drill a hole through the Earth to North Korea. And second of all, that's a tree."

The first casualty of the 'War on Christmas'...

The long-awaited Spritzer-Billings Senate study of tree-planting released it's findings today, advising, among other things, that planting trees horizontally was not a viable strategy.

Bush's Tree House of Congress idea was axed at the last minute.

As the new president settled in, voters were pleased not to have to deal with yet another Bush.

'How the Government Stole Christmas'

After carefull deliberation the perfect weapon for knocking david blaine off the whitehouse roof was selected.

Sharp bloggers noticed that the military's new antigravity device was a fraud when they looked closely and saw wires holding the test subject up.

"Then, if the man loves the woman very much, he takes his pine tree and sprays his seeds all over her houses of congress."
Dad's sex-ed talks only confused me further.

"Fools! That tree will never fit!"

"You're right. Make the hole wider!"

"GREEN SIDE UP.........GREEN SIDE UP.......!!!"

"But we don't have anything to hoist it up on."

"Trust me. If Spider-man can do it so can we."

"I bet saying Bush is stupid would be funny, even though that's the Capital Building in the background," thought the craptioner. "I don't need a creative or funny punchline as long as there are liberals reading this!"

The only way to get the Capitol building to stop leaning was to hit it the really hard with a tree.