Thus began the United States epic war on God.

The UN Weapons Inspectors sighed heavily. Another day without finding any WMD in Iraq.

The firework display was a pleasant surprise though.

"If you thought that was good, wait till you see what I've got in the other ear."

"Wait. If we're both on lunch break then who's watching th...

...oh."

While the other kids put vinegar and baking soda in their bottle rockets, little Billy insisted on liquid hydrogen because, according to him, anything less was "for pussies".

$10 its going to Iran.
You're on.

"Thats okay," said Johnny, "but my penis can shoot werewolves."

Jim looked on in disgust as it became apparent that his beach fence would not stop illegal immigrants with rocket packs.

"I love you Kevin."
"One, that's not a nuclear bomb, and two, it's heading away from us, not at us."
"I still mean it."

Chopping the world in half with a lightsabre..

That, gentlemen, is what I call a Jedi.

Cutbacks in the Mongolian nuclear program resulted in a dissapointing asparagus cloud

"Isn't human technology wonderful?"

"Jim, I'm dying."

"I always knew it was a bad idea to give the big red button to a C-average pothead."

After the president was told the sun was made of hydrogen and that it would run out in 5 billion years, he figured that launching a hydrogen bomb at the sun would give us and extra year or two.

Losing patience as the idiot refused to stop talking, Joe pressed a button on the device in his pocket, set the coordinates to "5 feet in front of me" and continued to nod casually.